Sexuality

Oh no, I said the S word.

I don't know how to put all my thoughts in cohesive form, so just bear with me.

Sexuality is something that is an intrinsic part of us. (I do not mean it in a universal non-cultural way, I understand we are influenced by culture and all) but it is a part of us. It is an expression of something within us. I suppose it's almost like a revelation of the soul and the life experiences.

While I am all for monogamy and staying faithful (for very obvious reasons), I also understand that sexuality happens. No, I do not mean that it is okay for my husband to sleep with someone else. If we view sexuality as an expression, then it is bound to show in other parts of our ways of life. It is bound to be expressed just like other parts of you re expressed.

Can I just get to my gripe? (I hate circumventing the issue) I absolutely hate it when people who pursue chastity and purity will abstain from doing things like hugs or dancing. I have had male paternal figures abstain from a full frontal hug. This made me feel dirty. Like I was dirtying someone through a hug. While it is true that some of our sexuality could be imprinted into a hug, in my opinion, we should not abstain from practices such as hugging. If we wish to look at this from a Biblical perspective, I would quote Romans 16:16- Greet each other with a holy kiss. If we want to see it from a merely emotional understanding, I cannot fathom of a Christ who would not hug me. You will not tell me Christ had no temptations or sexual impulses, because then Christ would not be a fully human figure, but merely a divine one.

Then there's dancing. I have heard dancing is not okay because you are being sort of sexually explicit. I am sorry, but we are not more sexually explicit from dancing than from walking, eating, flirting, kissing, or anything. It is something within us, and sexuality will be expressed some way or another, and we cannot try to disregard it. We were created as sexual beings. Our sexuality is a part of us.

I think what upsets me the most is that sexuality is regarded almost with disgust. We are being trained to equate sexuality with shame, with something dirty. Someone once told me after getting married she was embarrassed to be in the same room as her father, because he knew what she had done the night before. Why? Why have we come to this? Sexuality is not even okay in the context of marriage?

I watched a film called "This film is not yet rated" about the way sexuality in movies is more of an indicator of rating than violence. Why? This really seriously bothers me. When I have children, I want them to know they are sexual beings, and that is normal and natural and good, we were created that way. However, violence is not something in their nature I wish for them to experience. It is not something natural and normal and good. Let's not even go as far as sexuality, but what about nudity? Why are we so uncomfortable with nudity? Why is it that nudity is equated with sexuality?

I remember I freaked out the first few times I had to draw in Figure Drawing (yes, there was a live naked model). Why was this? I was not doing anything with said model. It was the mere thought of nudity. I was raised with eyes closed to nudity, with equating nudity to sexuality (despite being told the reverse-- that nudity was natural) and sexuality with dirtiness. Impurity. Leading a bad life. Like whatever I saw would come inside my soul and rot it out. I think it's safe to say drawing nude male models did not awaken nor doze my curiosity of sexuality any more than having everyday interactions with boys. (I am being so honest).

So why do we shelter ourselves? Why do we equate sexuality with dirtiness? What is it that makes people paranoid and so protective they're not letting normal healthy interactions happen?

In closing, vagina. Does this make you uncomfortable? Why?