Uno de mi calle me ha dicho
que tiene un amigo que dice,
conocer a un tipo
que un día fue feliz.

(trans: Someone in my street told me that they have a friend that said to know a guy who was happy one day.)

I just wanted to make a self note that I have been fully happy lately, and for more than just one day. I live a wonderful life-- I love my husband and our life together is harmonious and fulfilling. He likes to play and makes me laugh. I cannot complain about work-- it is not overly hard and it provides enough money to eat, have shelter, and "buy a little flower," as the Japanese proverb says.

Loved ones are healthy and safe.

Really, can't complain. In fact, don't let me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIGGY!

I love you, I am proud of you, and although I told you in person, I wish to remind you again-- you are the one who brought light-heartedness and laughter into my life. ♫ Gracias por existir ♫

Here is your next (AND LAST!) clue:

Jon LaJoie, October 27, 2009
>read the COMMENTS ;)

It's so easy to make me tear up

If you want to inspire me, make me cry, show me that arts can unite people, tell an important story, and that humanity is progressing-- because we are investing our time in imagination and creation rather than destruction.

Such an example is this--

The giant puppett of a little girl searching for her uncle
commemorates the years of division in both the city and the country. (Berlin, Germany)

or this:

The Cellist of Sarajevo

Optimistic thought of the day

Take any excuse you can to find at least a little happiness.

For example, I am not a sports fan (at all!) but I am really glad the Olympics will be held in Rio de Janeiro (I am happy because it is the second Latin American country, and the first South American country to host the Olympics, ever). I think I would've been equally happy with Madrid (I ♥ Spain and our honey moon was in Madrid, precisely) or with Chicago (I wanted Obama to have won at least a fight! I mean, c'mon!) (No emotional ties to Tokyo, really, but I'm sure I would've found some happiness... birth place of Hello Kitty, I guess?)

But anyway. I've been playing Brazilian music (Lambada and Xi Bom Bom, to be more accurate) and I got to thinking that in 2016 I would love to go to Rio! But then I did the math, and by 2016, (God willing) we will have a kid. HOLY COW. We will have a kid! We're planning having children between 2013 and 2015... AHHHH! A KID!

It seems happiness fosters happiness. So yay! :)

Extremism

I know I blog very sporadically, so thank you, faithful reader(s?) for reading me once again.

So I was making my rounds through lolcat tabs, and saw this picture, which made me all fuzzy with reminiscing. You say, what on earth does it make you remember? Well, there was a time in High School when I thought it was my God-given plan to convert people and be as extreme for God as I could. (It really is as scary as it sounds). I didn't want to be mediocre. God no, if God gave out forehead sticker stars, hell, I wanted one. Greedy high schooler Hannia didn't just want one, I'll take all of them, if you give them God.

Granted, I am not saying is bad to want to please God. But goodness gracious, I remember having a conversation with my friend Theresa, and I think I got her a little scared. I remember she told me "You know, it's not like God has favorites" and this really pierced at my ego (I mean, really, the audactity to tell me what was in fact, very true!) so I snapped back with some extremist statement like "If I have to drop all my friends for the sake of following God, I will!" (I'm sure God was like, you leave me out of your stupid ego quarrels, I am not a destroyer of friendships, you!)

Looking back at all of this, I have great shame (oh, like that's a foreign feeling to me... in fact, I had a whole session with a therapist about my shame/ guilt because I have ass loads of it, I think I have enough shame and guilt to spare the world of any). But I digress, extremism. I know I have tendencies towards it, maybe we all do? I mean, if you like chocolate why would you stop at one piece when you can have the whole family sized bag? Oh yeah. The stomach ache. That's right, there is a reason not to eat the whole bag.

If life is like a bag of chocolates, then the trick is not swallowing the bag whole. I don't know, I really want to rant about giving other ideas a chance, about keeping an open mind and being flexible to change. In my personal experience, that openness is what got me through college, and what makes me feel like a better human being today. I no longer feel the burden to change people's minds about God, or that it is my duty. I no longer feel a pressure to be perfect, to get the golden star(s?) in the forehead. Now I feel the joy of doing my best for others and having as happy a life as I can, because I'm pretty sure that's the reason Christ asked God to pass the cup away from Him, the reason why He wept when Lazarus died. It's not so much that He doesn't know what's going on, or that He doesn't know how good Heaven will be, but this life, it is precious and underrated. Yes, there are toils, suffering, and all, but we must be some kind of lovable creatures for Christ to weep when we weep and for Him to ask for "5 more minutes, Dad, please?" And if the Creator of all things, the Omniscient being has that deep connection to us, that absolute surrender for our sake, then I think I should live my life happily, without so much guilt, in full knowledge that there is a love beyond my understanding that will forgive my flaws and shortcomings.

The reason why I say all of this is because I feel like this freedom is what allows me to give things a chance. The truth will be the truth whether I defend it or not, so I should have no regrets about asking questions and certainly never about loving. I don't have to convince anyone of my ideals, the truth will sooner or later (hopefully sooner!) triumph, and yes, I want to be part of it, but no, I don't want to stop loving you as a person because your ideas are different than mine. I don't want to contradict myself because I want to keep face. I don't want to have to be exhausted because I didn't do enough today. And most importantly, I want to be able to be wrong and realize it, change if I need to, and continue a happy guilt-free life.

Politics

I think a lot of people freak out when speaking about politics. I actually really enjoyed a recent interview with Mike Huckabee from Jon Stewart about abortion. I really enjoyed the way both people were able to discuss a heated issue with respect, nicety, and responsibility. I especially enjoyed Jon Stewart's comment at the end that he may be really certain about many things, but this is the one issue he does not feel certain about (and I presume it has to do with having children of his own and all).

I'm not here to talk about abortion or anything, but maybe a set of rules about debating, discussing, or simply having a conversation about politics or religion, or some "heated" topic of the sort.

1. Do not take things personally. Whatever the topic, whatever things are said, it is not about you but the issue at hand.
2. Do not assume that your opinion is right and you must convince the other party that your opinion is right, even if it's undisputed. (This sounds arrogant or simple, but try talking about something you think is true {e.g. the world is round} to someone who does not believe it {e.g.the flat earth society}).
3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, and do not talk to them in a manner you would not want them to talk to you. *cough* ECU preacher *cough*
4. Display facts in a calm, polite, and understanding tone.
5. Do display facts and not just feelings about the subject (e.g. "I feel that bunny murder is wrong because they are little and cute and who doesn't love a bunny?" as compared to "One should be careful not to be too quick to advocate for the consumption of rabbit meat beacause of the potential health issues for the people who consume rabbit, such as rabbit fever.")
6. Listen to what your counter part has to say. Just like you would like your side to be taken into consideration, then we should consider what the other side has to say.

Why should issues be discussed? In my opinion, if issues are discussed thoroughly, we can come to an understanding or mutual agreement on an issue. If you watch the Stewart interview, he suggests that everybody should be willing to take premptive measures (acceptable sex ed) so no one has to make a call on whether abortion is moral or not. This also allows for both parties to be well exposed to each others' point of view. A more well thought-out solution can come about if the issue is explored in depth, from a multi-perspective view.

Please also consider that this is not just something politicians or religious leaders should take on, but in my opinion, all people should try their best to be as informed as possible on issues they feel matter. You cannot have a reasonable discussion if you are not informed. You cannot make a difference in a matter if you are not informed.

To my lady friends

And mind you I am not sexist. It can be to my gentlemen friends, but I think this problem is more oriented towards my female companions, I think culture makes it so.

I know that when a person is single it feels like, oh c'mon! Homer Simpson has Marge, Heidi has Spencer, and here I am, intelligent, beautiful, and yet where is my soul mate? (If you don't think that, you should because you are)...

Don't dismay though. There is no clock ticking. It's not about getting there the fastest, but enjoying the ride until you get there.

My father-in-law and I have a little joky quarrel about Taylor Swift's "Tears in my guitar". He likes it because Taylor is cute and talented. This is precisely the reason why I dislike it-- she is cute and talented, so there is no reason she should be crying over a boy who is with someone else. I know that we've all had our share of unrequitted love, and I clearly remember the teenage angst of the qustion, "will anyone ever love me?" But I also remember the things which got me through:

• their loss!
• lots of fish in the ocean!
• it's just a matter of time- haven't met my one and only yet. Yet being the key. There's always hope!
  
• I have people who love me, I am, in fact, lovable.
• Just because X doesn't like me it doesn't mean anything, I might just not be his type, like boy Y is not my type (even though there's nothing wrong with boy Y)
  

(For more positive songs of dealing with heart ache, try Regina Spektor's Rejazz or Kate Nash's Merry Happy for example)

I say all of this because recently I have either been witness or heard stories of women who rather have a companion who treats them like crap than be alone. This is preposterous dear lady friends! >_< Don't let yourselves be used!

Look, I know what loneliness is like. I know it's a b*tch (not in a sexist way, but in the way you would refer to someone who treated you unkindly regardless of gender). But you know what, maybe this time to be single is to know to accept yourself as you are, to appreciate yourself more, and to understand what it is you are looking for in a partner.

Stephen and I had a recent conversation at our parents-in-law:

S: No offense baby, but I can live without you. I can live on my own.
H: EXACTLY! I can too! And because we can live alone and be content, we make a good couple. Because we can be content with ourselves, we know not to expect the partner to make us happy. To "complete" us. We are complete and we add richness to each other's lives.

You can't put frosting on a cake that's collapsing.

My mom always told me, you cannot love someone else if you first don't love yourself. She also taught me to be a strong woman, and that I can do it on my own, I don't need a man by my side. From a very young age I heard the saying "It's better to be alone than in bad company." Because I am whole and because I love myself enough to want dignity and expect things from men, I receive the things I expect. You cannot receive that which you do not expect. So believe in yourself and your worth as much as you believe in your friends and their worth, expect your partner (and other people) to treat you with love, respect, consideration, and kindness so that you may receive all of these. Know that if your partner leaves you, cheats on you, or whatever, you "...can be alone, yeah, [you] can watch a sunset on your own..." You can live a happy full life instead of being dragged down by someone's inconsideration of you. Don't let anyone treat you any less kindly than you would like your children or friends to be treated. You deserve it, entirely.

5 things for my unborn children

My friend Jamie wanted to know what her friends had to tell their unborn children.

I find it hard to just say 5 things, but I'll try my best.

1. Try to find understanding and compassion for other people. Our experiences and culture shape who we are, and people we think as "evil" might have had a horrible life, may have a different understanding of life, or might simply have a chemical imbalance in their brain. Whatever it is, we cannot change other people, only our actions towards them. Trying to come to understand other points of view only aids us in becoming better people, and in creating better solutions in times of conflict.

2. Develop intellectual curiosity, and use it at all times! Try to find answers to your questions. Even if it's something small like, who's voice is that in that cartoon? There is no useless knowledge. All knowledge is inherently valuable. All times are good times to learn, and I have a hunch that Heaven is a place were you will be forever learning. So you can start here, during your time on earth ;)

3. Be nice and respectful towards all walks of life and people. I know it sounds cliche, but it's important to say thank you, please, and just acknowledge that we are all human beings worthy of dignity. Like my dad told me once, we are all important and no one is more important than anybody else. We all have to breathe and poop. (So don't be intimidated either!)

4. Follow your heart, but listen to your head. When you fall in love, make sure your heart and head align. Do not allow anybody to treat you in a way you would be embarrassed your children to treat other people. I know that was wordy, so let me explain. If you would be embarrassed if your children bossed other children around, do not let your partner boss you around. You are a gem, unique, and precious. Do not let anybody treat you with disrespect. Just like you should safeguard other people's dignity, you should also safeguard your own. Additionally, while you ought to dream big and work with all your heart, understand that there are sometimes human limitations. Try to work around them, but know that sometimes it's okay move on to a different dream. No shame in change.

5. Do not live your life in fear, guilt, or anything that makes you unhappy. You were born to be free. You can soar. Don't let negative things tie you down into a life which you do not find acceptable. Always be willing to take a step towards change if your life is not what you want it to be. If it is a circumstance which is making you unhappy, know that circumstances fade and only the love in your heart will remain. Cherish and nurture it.

About getting pregnant

Dear people of the world,

I love children. I have a deep desire to one day be a mommy (and a great one!). I hope and pray our children will be as smart and handsome as we are, because that would be great! (Well, especially if they have the beautifully symmetrical face Stephen has). I assume this is the reason why everyone and their mother speculates on when we will get pregnant. I know we are smart, handsome people and the world is just expectantly waiting on our royal offspring.

However, dear people of the world, we are young, and we decided we would wait a couple of years before gracing the world with our genetic hybrid. You see, we believe there is still some learning for us to do, some more saving up, and definitely some more stabilization. (We still have some schooling to do, and we do not want our children to grow on ramen noodles for health reasons, among other things).

Now don't get us wrong, we are grateful for your high energy anticipation of our offspring. We know you value our genetics and can't wait for them! We know this. We know our father in law can't wait to fill our children's mouths with oreo cookies and coke, or to give them annoying noisy toys that will keep us up until all hours of the night. We know and cherish this, believe it or not.

However, dear people of the world, if every time I get nauseous (which happens very often because, although I have amazing genetics unfortunately stomach acidity might not be my strength) I am asked if I am pregnant, if every time I get weak or faint, if every time you see me with a flowy shirt, or a couple of more pounds on me, dear world, you will be asking me if I'm pregnant, I assure you, for yet the next 5 years, just about every day.

Now world, again, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your anticipation. But my confidence does plummet when I am reminded that there is no life growing inside of me, no little peanut to call my own, yet it looks like there is life growing in my belly. It often makes me wonder if you are acknowledging all the pro-biotics which live inside of me. Or if I should stop going on all those fun late night runs for snacks (which I know we shouldn't do, but we're young, we're in love, and they are something fun to do at midnight when all the town is boring and asleep). (Maybe if we lived in Spain it'd be a different story). It also makes me very conscious that I have never been able to obtain a flat belly, and that no matter how hard I try to hide my gut, I still look like I ate a football. It makes me want to seriously consider lipo, the acai berry, bulimia, and purgatives all at once, to see if I can attain the unattainable female model beauty. It actually makes me a little bitter and dead inside to see that if I am a young married female all society expects of me is my genetic material. To be fair, I cannot blame this on sexism, because my husband gets it too, though he doesn't have to deal with questioning his self image. More of "no, we're waiting a couple of years."

Oh well.

Dear people of the world, in general, minus one or two people, I love you very much and I am flattered about your desire for our genetic hybrid, but please, please, please, I beg of you to stop asking me if/when I will get pregnant. I assure you, when I am, I will gladly let you know. This is a selfish request because my self confidence has plummeted a little due to my self image. And don't get me wrong, I think pregnant women are beautiful, but a non-pregnant woman asked if she's pregnant just seems bloated with microscopic, non-important life, and that seems sad and pathetic. I, in return, will promise you that I will try to live a healthier life style, not just because I want the pregnancy questions to stop, nor because my image should be that important, but also so that I can live longer so I may see my grand children grow.

Thankfully yours,

-Non-pregnant girl who will one day be proudly pregnant and will let everybody know at once because of thrill

E-mail to Pope Benedict XVI

To: benedictxvi@vatican.va
March 18, 2009


Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

I am writing this e-mail to you in regards to your trip to Africa. I have been following the news about how you made a statement condemning the use of contraceptives to prevent AIDS as well as your most current speech about Cameroun's "happy" rites of mass, and your concern this might provoke distortion. I have been following these news in Le Figaro from France and El Pais from Spain. I know we are not a Church of democracy, I understand that truth is not necessarily a thing which makes masses happy, however, I find your recent speeches to be insensitive, retrograde, and altogether lacking Christ-like love.

We are a church of hope, of faith, of love. Your message is not one of redemption but of condemnation. While you could come to Africa to remind people that Christ too suffered and understands suffering, that both God and the world hear the cries of the African people, that there are many of us who remember the continent in our prayers, you have come to set the human laws perfectly known, instead of bringing a spirit of love.

When Jesus walked among us, He was about healing and about friendship and about love, and you are not extending those things to a country (Cameroun) who is ridden by poverty, disease, and suffering. You are not speaking hope into the lives of people, you are speaking death and condemnation. I understand that Catholicism is opposed to the use of contraceptives, but I cannot fathom a Christ who would oppose contraceptive in a continent where twenty five million people have died because of it, of a preventable cause. Have you forgotten that women have to burn their labia as a baby is delivered so that the child will not be exposed to AIDS? Have you forgotten in that continent women have to choose between spending their meager wages in life-sustaining medicine or life-sustaining food? Your prerogatives are incorrect, dear Pope. The spirit is the most important, and as such, we should take care of it first.

When you come and talk about not having sex except in the sanctity of marriage, you are ignoring very many things which are plaging the African people. When you come into Africa and tell them their rites may be a distortion, not only are you depriving the African people of their roots and their culture, but you are displaying this for the world to see. You are displaying a colonial ethnocentric action which, again, makes the Catholic Church appear retrograde, exclusionist, and unkind, most uncapable of empathy. Pope John Paul II treated this issue with a lot more open mindedness and love when he accepted a ritual cleansing in Mexico by Mexican natives. This is a way to deal with local custom and incorporate non-European cultures into the Catholic world. This sends a message of inclusion and of solidarity. This sends a message that though many the parts, we are all one body. In the gospel according to Luke, Jesus "broke" many laws in order to show empathy and solidarity with people, which I suggest you pray and study more.

This is the Catholic Church I believe in-- the one that accepts the humble and the rich, the one that accepts many different cultures, and admits all of us are children of God, no more, no less. I know as the Pope, you represent Christ here on earth, but your actions are lacking that representation. As the head of the Church, you are the sail that will guide the rest of us into action, so please, please, please, guide us into expressing the love, mercy, and compassion of our God. Show that Jesus was a Christ of mercy and of empathy, and that He walks besides all of us, whatever our race or our way of prayer. What God wants of us is a sincere heart, not a perfect, Western way of prayer. Dear Pope, I know I am not perfect and I know you are human too, but please let Christ shine through you and stop bringing petty arguments into the table, bring healing to our ailing world. That is what Christ came to do.


Sincerely,

Hannia
hcb0218@gmail.com

Sexuality

Oh no, I said the S word.

I don't know how to put all my thoughts in cohesive form, so just bear with me.

Sexuality is something that is an intrinsic part of us. (I do not mean it in a universal non-cultural way, I understand we are influenced by culture and all) but it is a part of us. It is an expression of something within us. I suppose it's almost like a revelation of the soul and the life experiences.

While I am all for monogamy and staying faithful (for very obvious reasons), I also understand that sexuality happens. No, I do not mean that it is okay for my husband to sleep with someone else. If we view sexuality as an expression, then it is bound to show in other parts of our ways of life. It is bound to be expressed just like other parts of you re expressed.

Can I just get to my gripe? (I hate circumventing the issue) I absolutely hate it when people who pursue chastity and purity will abstain from doing things like hugs or dancing. I have had male paternal figures abstain from a full frontal hug. This made me feel dirty. Like I was dirtying someone through a hug. While it is true that some of our sexuality could be imprinted into a hug, in my opinion, we should not abstain from practices such as hugging. If we wish to look at this from a Biblical perspective, I would quote Romans 16:16- Greet each other with a holy kiss. If we want to see it from a merely emotional understanding, I cannot fathom of a Christ who would not hug me. You will not tell me Christ had no temptations or sexual impulses, because then Christ would not be a fully human figure, but merely a divine one.

Then there's dancing. I have heard dancing is not okay because you are being sort of sexually explicit. I am sorry, but we are not more sexually explicit from dancing than from walking, eating, flirting, kissing, or anything. It is something within us, and sexuality will be expressed some way or another, and we cannot try to disregard it. We were created as sexual beings. Our sexuality is a part of us.

I think what upsets me the most is that sexuality is regarded almost with disgust. We are being trained to equate sexuality with shame, with something dirty. Someone once told me after getting married she was embarrassed to be in the same room as her father, because he knew what she had done the night before. Why? Why have we come to this? Sexuality is not even okay in the context of marriage?

I watched a film called "This film is not yet rated" about the way sexuality in movies is more of an indicator of rating than violence. Why? This really seriously bothers me. When I have children, I want them to know they are sexual beings, and that is normal and natural and good, we were created that way. However, violence is not something in their nature I wish for them to experience. It is not something natural and normal and good. Let's not even go as far as sexuality, but what about nudity? Why are we so uncomfortable with nudity? Why is it that nudity is equated with sexuality?

I remember I freaked out the first few times I had to draw in Figure Drawing (yes, there was a live naked model). Why was this? I was not doing anything with said model. It was the mere thought of nudity. I was raised with eyes closed to nudity, with equating nudity to sexuality (despite being told the reverse-- that nudity was natural) and sexuality with dirtiness. Impurity. Leading a bad life. Like whatever I saw would come inside my soul and rot it out. I think it's safe to say drawing nude male models did not awaken nor doze my curiosity of sexuality any more than having everyday interactions with boys. (I am being so honest).

So why do we shelter ourselves? Why do we equate sexuality with dirtiness? What is it that makes people paranoid and so protective they're not letting normal healthy interactions happen?

In closing, vagina. Does this make you uncomfortable? Why?