About getting pregnant

Dear people of the world,

I love children. I have a deep desire to one day be a mommy (and a great one!). I hope and pray our children will be as smart and handsome as we are, because that would be great! (Well, especially if they have the beautifully symmetrical face Stephen has). I assume this is the reason why everyone and their mother speculates on when we will get pregnant. I know we are smart, handsome people and the world is just expectantly waiting on our royal offspring.

However, dear people of the world, we are young, and we decided we would wait a couple of years before gracing the world with our genetic hybrid. You see, we believe there is still some learning for us to do, some more saving up, and definitely some more stabilization. (We still have some schooling to do, and we do not want our children to grow on ramen noodles for health reasons, among other things).

Now don't get us wrong, we are grateful for your high energy anticipation of our offspring. We know you value our genetics and can't wait for them! We know this. We know our father in law can't wait to fill our children's mouths with oreo cookies and coke, or to give them annoying noisy toys that will keep us up until all hours of the night. We know and cherish this, believe it or not.

However, dear people of the world, if every time I get nauseous (which happens very often because, although I have amazing genetics unfortunately stomach acidity might not be my strength) I am asked if I am pregnant, if every time I get weak or faint, if every time you see me with a flowy shirt, or a couple of more pounds on me, dear world, you will be asking me if I'm pregnant, I assure you, for yet the next 5 years, just about every day.

Now world, again, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your anticipation. But my confidence does plummet when I am reminded that there is no life growing inside of me, no little peanut to call my own, yet it looks like there is life growing in my belly. It often makes me wonder if you are acknowledging all the pro-biotics which live inside of me. Or if I should stop going on all those fun late night runs for snacks (which I know we shouldn't do, but we're young, we're in love, and they are something fun to do at midnight when all the town is boring and asleep). (Maybe if we lived in Spain it'd be a different story). It also makes me very conscious that I have never been able to obtain a flat belly, and that no matter how hard I try to hide my gut, I still look like I ate a football. It makes me want to seriously consider lipo, the acai berry, bulimia, and purgatives all at once, to see if I can attain the unattainable female model beauty. It actually makes me a little bitter and dead inside to see that if I am a young married female all society expects of me is my genetic material. To be fair, I cannot blame this on sexism, because my husband gets it too, though he doesn't have to deal with questioning his self image. More of "no, we're waiting a couple of years."

Oh well.

Dear people of the world, in general, minus one or two people, I love you very much and I am flattered about your desire for our genetic hybrid, but please, please, please, I beg of you to stop asking me if/when I will get pregnant. I assure you, when I am, I will gladly let you know. This is a selfish request because my self confidence has plummeted a little due to my self image. And don't get me wrong, I think pregnant women are beautiful, but a non-pregnant woman asked if she's pregnant just seems bloated with microscopic, non-important life, and that seems sad and pathetic. I, in return, will promise you that I will try to live a healthier life style, not just because I want the pregnancy questions to stop, nor because my image should be that important, but also so that I can live longer so I may see my grand children grow.

Thankfully yours,

-Non-pregnant girl who will one day be proudly pregnant and will let everybody know at once because of thrill