Politics

I think a lot of people freak out when speaking about politics. I actually really enjoyed a recent interview with Mike Huckabee from Jon Stewart about abortion. I really enjoyed the way both people were able to discuss a heated issue with respect, nicety, and responsibility. I especially enjoyed Jon Stewart's comment at the end that he may be really certain about many things, but this is the one issue he does not feel certain about (and I presume it has to do with having children of his own and all).

I'm not here to talk about abortion or anything, but maybe a set of rules about debating, discussing, or simply having a conversation about politics or religion, or some "heated" topic of the sort.

1. Do not take things personally. Whatever the topic, whatever things are said, it is not about you but the issue at hand.
2. Do not assume that your opinion is right and you must convince the other party that your opinion is right, even if it's undisputed. (This sounds arrogant or simple, but try talking about something you think is true {e.g. the world is round} to someone who does not believe it {e.g.the flat earth society}).
3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes, and do not talk to them in a manner you would not want them to talk to you. *cough* ECU preacher *cough*
4. Display facts in a calm, polite, and understanding tone.
5. Do display facts and not just feelings about the subject (e.g. "I feel that bunny murder is wrong because they are little and cute and who doesn't love a bunny?" as compared to "One should be careful not to be too quick to advocate for the consumption of rabbit meat beacause of the potential health issues for the people who consume rabbit, such as rabbit fever.")
6. Listen to what your counter part has to say. Just like you would like your side to be taken into consideration, then we should consider what the other side has to say.

Why should issues be discussed? In my opinion, if issues are discussed thoroughly, we can come to an understanding or mutual agreement on an issue. If you watch the Stewart interview, he suggests that everybody should be willing to take premptive measures (acceptable sex ed) so no one has to make a call on whether abortion is moral or not. This also allows for both parties to be well exposed to each others' point of view. A more well thought-out solution can come about if the issue is explored in depth, from a multi-perspective view.

Please also consider that this is not just something politicians or religious leaders should take on, but in my opinion, all people should try their best to be as informed as possible on issues they feel matter. You cannot have a reasonable discussion if you are not informed. You cannot make a difference in a matter if you are not informed.

To my lady friends

And mind you I am not sexist. It can be to my gentlemen friends, but I think this problem is more oriented towards my female companions, I think culture makes it so.

I know that when a person is single it feels like, oh c'mon! Homer Simpson has Marge, Heidi has Spencer, and here I am, intelligent, beautiful, and yet where is my soul mate? (If you don't think that, you should because you are)...

Don't dismay though. There is no clock ticking. It's not about getting there the fastest, but enjoying the ride until you get there.

My father-in-law and I have a little joky quarrel about Taylor Swift's "Tears in my guitar". He likes it because Taylor is cute and talented. This is precisely the reason why I dislike it-- she is cute and talented, so there is no reason she should be crying over a boy who is with someone else. I know that we've all had our share of unrequitted love, and I clearly remember the teenage angst of the qustion, "will anyone ever love me?" But I also remember the things which got me through:

• their loss!
• lots of fish in the ocean!
• it's just a matter of time- haven't met my one and only yet. Yet being the key. There's always hope!
  
• I have people who love me, I am, in fact, lovable.
• Just because X doesn't like me it doesn't mean anything, I might just not be his type, like boy Y is not my type (even though there's nothing wrong with boy Y)
  

(For more positive songs of dealing with heart ache, try Regina Spektor's Rejazz or Kate Nash's Merry Happy for example)

I say all of this because recently I have either been witness or heard stories of women who rather have a companion who treats them like crap than be alone. This is preposterous dear lady friends! >_< Don't let yourselves be used!

Look, I know what loneliness is like. I know it's a b*tch (not in a sexist way, but in the way you would refer to someone who treated you unkindly regardless of gender). But you know what, maybe this time to be single is to know to accept yourself as you are, to appreciate yourself more, and to understand what it is you are looking for in a partner.

Stephen and I had a recent conversation at our parents-in-law:

S: No offense baby, but I can live without you. I can live on my own.
H: EXACTLY! I can too! And because we can live alone and be content, we make a good couple. Because we can be content with ourselves, we know not to expect the partner to make us happy. To "complete" us. We are complete and we add richness to each other's lives.

You can't put frosting on a cake that's collapsing.

My mom always told me, you cannot love someone else if you first don't love yourself. She also taught me to be a strong woman, and that I can do it on my own, I don't need a man by my side. From a very young age I heard the saying "It's better to be alone than in bad company." Because I am whole and because I love myself enough to want dignity and expect things from men, I receive the things I expect. You cannot receive that which you do not expect. So believe in yourself and your worth as much as you believe in your friends and their worth, expect your partner (and other people) to treat you with love, respect, consideration, and kindness so that you may receive all of these. Know that if your partner leaves you, cheats on you, or whatever, you "...can be alone, yeah, [you] can watch a sunset on your own..." You can live a happy full life instead of being dragged down by someone's inconsideration of you. Don't let anyone treat you any less kindly than you would like your children or friends to be treated. You deserve it, entirely.

5 things for my unborn children

My friend Jamie wanted to know what her friends had to tell their unborn children.

I find it hard to just say 5 things, but I'll try my best.

1. Try to find understanding and compassion for other people. Our experiences and culture shape who we are, and people we think as "evil" might have had a horrible life, may have a different understanding of life, or might simply have a chemical imbalance in their brain. Whatever it is, we cannot change other people, only our actions towards them. Trying to come to understand other points of view only aids us in becoming better people, and in creating better solutions in times of conflict.

2. Develop intellectual curiosity, and use it at all times! Try to find answers to your questions. Even if it's something small like, who's voice is that in that cartoon? There is no useless knowledge. All knowledge is inherently valuable. All times are good times to learn, and I have a hunch that Heaven is a place were you will be forever learning. So you can start here, during your time on earth ;)

3. Be nice and respectful towards all walks of life and people. I know it sounds cliche, but it's important to say thank you, please, and just acknowledge that we are all human beings worthy of dignity. Like my dad told me once, we are all important and no one is more important than anybody else. We all have to breathe and poop. (So don't be intimidated either!)

4. Follow your heart, but listen to your head. When you fall in love, make sure your heart and head align. Do not allow anybody to treat you in a way you would be embarrassed your children to treat other people. I know that was wordy, so let me explain. If you would be embarrassed if your children bossed other children around, do not let your partner boss you around. You are a gem, unique, and precious. Do not let anybody treat you with disrespect. Just like you should safeguard other people's dignity, you should also safeguard your own. Additionally, while you ought to dream big and work with all your heart, understand that there are sometimes human limitations. Try to work around them, but know that sometimes it's okay move on to a different dream. No shame in change.

5. Do not live your life in fear, guilt, or anything that makes you unhappy. You were born to be free. You can soar. Don't let negative things tie you down into a life which you do not find acceptable. Always be willing to take a step towards change if your life is not what you want it to be. If it is a circumstance which is making you unhappy, know that circumstances fade and only the love in your heart will remain. Cherish and nurture it.

About getting pregnant

Dear people of the world,

I love children. I have a deep desire to one day be a mommy (and a great one!). I hope and pray our children will be as smart and handsome as we are, because that would be great! (Well, especially if they have the beautifully symmetrical face Stephen has). I assume this is the reason why everyone and their mother speculates on when we will get pregnant. I know we are smart, handsome people and the world is just expectantly waiting on our royal offspring.

However, dear people of the world, we are young, and we decided we would wait a couple of years before gracing the world with our genetic hybrid. You see, we believe there is still some learning for us to do, some more saving up, and definitely some more stabilization. (We still have some schooling to do, and we do not want our children to grow on ramen noodles for health reasons, among other things).

Now don't get us wrong, we are grateful for your high energy anticipation of our offspring. We know you value our genetics and can't wait for them! We know this. We know our father in law can't wait to fill our children's mouths with oreo cookies and coke, or to give them annoying noisy toys that will keep us up until all hours of the night. We know and cherish this, believe it or not.

However, dear people of the world, if every time I get nauseous (which happens very often because, although I have amazing genetics unfortunately stomach acidity might not be my strength) I am asked if I am pregnant, if every time I get weak or faint, if every time you see me with a flowy shirt, or a couple of more pounds on me, dear world, you will be asking me if I'm pregnant, I assure you, for yet the next 5 years, just about every day.

Now world, again, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your anticipation. But my confidence does plummet when I am reminded that there is no life growing inside of me, no little peanut to call my own, yet it looks like there is life growing in my belly. It often makes me wonder if you are acknowledging all the pro-biotics which live inside of me. Or if I should stop going on all those fun late night runs for snacks (which I know we shouldn't do, but we're young, we're in love, and they are something fun to do at midnight when all the town is boring and asleep). (Maybe if we lived in Spain it'd be a different story). It also makes me very conscious that I have never been able to obtain a flat belly, and that no matter how hard I try to hide my gut, I still look like I ate a football. It makes me want to seriously consider lipo, the acai berry, bulimia, and purgatives all at once, to see if I can attain the unattainable female model beauty. It actually makes me a little bitter and dead inside to see that if I am a young married female all society expects of me is my genetic material. To be fair, I cannot blame this on sexism, because my husband gets it too, though he doesn't have to deal with questioning his self image. More of "no, we're waiting a couple of years."

Oh well.

Dear people of the world, in general, minus one or two people, I love you very much and I am flattered about your desire for our genetic hybrid, but please, please, please, I beg of you to stop asking me if/when I will get pregnant. I assure you, when I am, I will gladly let you know. This is a selfish request because my self confidence has plummeted a little due to my self image. And don't get me wrong, I think pregnant women are beautiful, but a non-pregnant woman asked if she's pregnant just seems bloated with microscopic, non-important life, and that seems sad and pathetic. I, in return, will promise you that I will try to live a healthier life style, not just because I want the pregnancy questions to stop, nor because my image should be that important, but also so that I can live longer so I may see my grand children grow.

Thankfully yours,

-Non-pregnant girl who will one day be proudly pregnant and will let everybody know at once because of thrill