I know that when a person is single it feels like, oh c'mon! Homer Simpson has Marge, Heidi has Spencer, and here I am, intelligent, beautiful, and yet where is my soul mate? (If you don't think that, you should because you are)...
Don't dismay though. There is no clock ticking. It's not about getting there the fastest, but enjoying the ride until you get there.
My father-in-law and I have a little joky quarrel about Taylor Swift's "Tears in my guitar". He likes it because Taylor is cute and talented. This is precisely the reason why I dislike it-- she is cute and talented, so there is no reason she should be crying over a boy who is with someone else. I know that we've all had our share of unrequitted love, and I clearly remember the teenage angst of the qustion, "will anyone ever love me?" But I also remember the things which got me through:
- their loss!
- lots of fish in the ocean!
- it's just a matter of time- haven't met my one and only yet. Yet being the key. There's always hope!
- I have people who love me, I am, in fact, lovable.
- Just because X doesn't like me it doesn't mean anything, I might just not be his type, like boy Y is not my type (even though there's nothing wrong with boy Y)
I say all of this because recently I have either been witness or heard stories of women who rather have a companion who treats them like crap than be alone. This is preposterous dear lady friends! >_< Don't let yourselves be used!
Look, I know what loneliness is like. I know it's a b*tch (not in a sexist way, but in the way you would refer to someone who treated you unkindly regardless of gender). But you know what, maybe this time to be single is to know to accept yourself as you are, to appreciate yourself more, and to understand what it is you are looking for in a partner.
Stephen and I had a recent conversation at our parents-in-law:
S: No offense baby, but I can live without you. I can live on my own.
H: EXACTLY! I can too! And because we can live alone and be content, we make a good couple. Because we can be content with ourselves, we know not to expect the partner to make us happy. To "complete" us. We are complete and we add richness to each other's lives.
You can't put frosting on a cake that's collapsing.
My mom always told me, you cannot love someone else if you first don't love yourself. She also taught me to be a strong woman, and that I can do it on my own, I don't need a man by my side. From a very young age I heard the saying "It's better to be alone than in bad company." Because I am whole and because I love myself enough to want dignity and expect things from men, I receive the things I expect. You cannot receive that which you do not expect. So believe in yourself and your worth as much as you believe in your friends and their worth, expect your partner (and other people) to treat you with love, respect, consideration, and kindness so that you may receive all of these. Know that if your partner leaves you, cheats on you, or whatever, you "...can be alone, yeah, [you] can watch a sunset on your own..." You can live a happy full life instead of being dragged down by someone's inconsideration of you. Don't let anyone treat you any less kindly than you would like your children or friends to be treated. You deserve it, entirely.
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