yes-- my love child with theresa... HAHAHAHA! His name is Joao and i got his information on the mail today (we're sponsoring a child through World Vision)....
my mom suggested this though--- since he has a Portuguese name, and he's black, he should be my child and Alexandre Pires (Brazilian singer)... i laughed and agreed.... (i hope Theresa's not jealous ;)
well.. today i went to target with my mom... she needed to get out of the house and "exercise" which means, let's go walk at some store.... hehe... so we went to Kroger and Target... at Target we spent about hmmm... i would say form 30 to 45 minutes in the baby's section. YES the baby's section. well.. 2 of my cousins happen to have infant children... who also happen to be girls... and who's addicted to infant girl's clothing other than my mom?
wait... maybe i am too. i love babies. I love their clothes. i love their smell (unless they need a diaper change) i love their noises and the way their eyes look. i think babies are the most awesome way to start a human being. :) vulnerable and innocent. small and cute. delicate, beautiful, pure. new.
i've been thinking a lot about my own children... first of all-- if i have a child, i hope my first born will be a girl. being that my mom has so much liking for infant girl's clothes, it would be no surprise to me that she'll buy the whole store and then if I have a boy, it'll be like 8 months past the return for refund date and she'll have to pawn her car. :-P no but seriously.....
kids... wow.... it's awlays been my dream... and yet it always seemed far away, distant, unreachable.... and now... i don't know... it seems like it's nto so far away... nto so distant. it seems like it could be a reality in a couple of years. get married, have children. then i thought of my future husband, holding our little baby, (a wedding ring in his finger of course) and saying "isn't this the most beautiful girl/boy you've ever seen?" oh yeah.... major maternal instintics kicking in. maybe it's joao's fault.... maybe i'm in love.... maybe my age is finally reaching my brain! i don't know... i just know my future is not that far away.... and it feels pretty exciting to be honest! :-D
Monday, August 30, 2004
award
i'll post about my day later... but here's a link to my award--
http://www.lib.ecu.edu/Reference/Instruction/2004engl1200award.htm
yeah... i think the picture messed up my eye... :( oh well! and they call me Rios instead of Bejarano... grrr.... hehhee.
http://www.lib.ecu.edu/Reference/Instruction/2004engl1200award.htm
yeah... i think the picture messed up my eye... :( oh well! and they call me Rios instead of Bejarano... grrr.... hehhee.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
cuentame al oido
http://www.skdesigns.com/internet/articles/lyrics/jimcroce.html (time in a bottle lyrics)
hehe.... if you're wondering about my journal's title... it's another song... (by my favorite band, La Oreja de Van Gogh!) the song says "whisper in my ears, slowly and softly, why there's so much light in this somber day... whisper in my ear if what you said was sincere, or if they are disguised phrases awaiting a wink.... whisper to me, whisper to me... the sky, lying down, stopped time in that kiss... that kiss for me in time... "
well anyhow....
it's been a beautiful Sunday! i went to Mass... i felt God's presence... it's been quite lovely!
i was reminded of humbleness today.... that was scripture for today! about being humble... i hope i can be humble... some things to share with you guys--
Psalm 11:7
The LORD is just and loves just deeds; the upright shall see his face.
Prayer of St Francis of Assissi
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled
but to console
To be understood
as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that I receive
It is in pardoning that I am pardoned;
And it is in dying that I am born to eternal life.
Amen.
also--
Let There Be Peace On Earth
Let There Be Peace on Earth
and let it begin with me.
Let There Be Peace on Earth,
the peace that was meant to be!
With God as our Father,
brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me.
Let this be the moment now.
With ev'ry breath I take,
let this be my solemn vow;
To take each moment
and live each moment
in peace eternally!
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me!
Written by Sy Miller and Bill Jackson
(that song makes me cry on any given day...)
hehe.... if you're wondering about my journal's title... it's another song... (by my favorite band, La Oreja de Van Gogh!) the song says "whisper in my ears, slowly and softly, why there's so much light in this somber day... whisper in my ear if what you said was sincere, or if they are disguised phrases awaiting a wink.... whisper to me, whisper to me... the sky, lying down, stopped time in that kiss... that kiss for me in time... "
well anyhow....
it's been a beautiful Sunday! i went to Mass... i felt God's presence... it's been quite lovely!
i was reminded of humbleness today.... that was scripture for today! about being humble... i hope i can be humble... some things to share with you guys--
Psalm 11:7
The LORD is just and loves just deeds; the upright shall see his face.
Prayer of St Francis of Assissi
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled
but to console
To be understood
as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that I receive
It is in pardoning that I am pardoned;
And it is in dying that I am born to eternal life.
Amen.
also--
Let There Be Peace On Earth
Let There Be Peace on Earth
and let it begin with me.
Let There Be Peace on Earth,
the peace that was meant to be!
With God as our Father,
brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony.
Let peace begin with me.
Let this be the moment now.
With ev'ry breath I take,
let this be my solemn vow;
To take each moment
and live each moment
in peace eternally!
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me!
Written by Sy Miller and Bill Jackson
(that song makes me cry on any given day...)
purpose
i got my sense of purpose back within an hour... praise God!
about Worshipfest-- ANYONE coming-- please try to bring magazines we can cut out for collages. If you're really fond of something cut it out and keep it and donate the rest of the mag. I'm excited to worship God through collages!
hehe... last night (since it's 12 already) i cried about something someone said on tv. it was this Spanish singer my mom likes... he's 62 now, but he can still sing. this interview we were watching was made 20 years ago... and the guy asked him-- "you know, the press said you and your wife would only last a little while. yet, you're still married... what's the secret?" so he answered, " it's love. i love her, she loves me. we both respect each other. we both know we boh want to be happy, so we both have that goal clear in our minds. she's very much at home, even though she writes, she writes at home. it's great, because now after a concert, i have somewhere to go. i belong somewhere. i can go home. i can go home to my wife..."
for the record-- 20 years after, an illness survived, 2 adult kids, he's still married to the same woman.
very few times have i been able to stick to a goal. but when i reach those goals, they're sweet victory. marriage for me is not a let's see what happens. it's one of those things i hold sacred. there's no chance for failure. marriage will be respect and honor and love. perfect trinitarian love. failure is not an option.... failure is not an option when involving sacredness...
about Worshipfest-- ANYONE coming-- please try to bring magazines we can cut out for collages. If you're really fond of something cut it out and keep it and donate the rest of the mag. I'm excited to worship God through collages!
hehe... last night (since it's 12 already) i cried about something someone said on tv. it was this Spanish singer my mom likes... he's 62 now, but he can still sing. this interview we were watching was made 20 years ago... and the guy asked him-- "you know, the press said you and your wife would only last a little while. yet, you're still married... what's the secret?" so he answered, " it's love. i love her, she loves me. we both respect each other. we both know we boh want to be happy, so we both have that goal clear in our minds. she's very much at home, even though she writes, she writes at home. it's great, because now after a concert, i have somewhere to go. i belong somewhere. i can go home. i can go home to my wife..."
for the record-- 20 years after, an illness survived, 2 adult kids, he's still married to the same woman.
very few times have i been able to stick to a goal. but when i reach those goals, they're sweet victory. marriage for me is not a let's see what happens. it's one of those things i hold sacred. there's no chance for failure. marriage will be respect and honor and love. perfect trinitarian love. failure is not an option.... failure is not an option when involving sacredness...
Saturday, August 28, 2004
confession
i went to confession today... it felt good to pray (i guess i should do it more often)
i'm a little down... it's awesome Thursday I got a message from God, it's awesome that He has this amazingly creative plan... but today i feel a little down... i really think i'm bipolar... maybe i should get it checked...
today has been pretty uneventful. i went to buy a book, black core board for the box camera i get to make ( :-D) and i also accompanied my mom to Target and Kroger for all 10 minutes... then we came back, ate lunch. I took a 3 hour nap... when i woke up, I asked if I could borrow the car (since the van is not at home because a sheriff crashed it at my brother's hgh school (AND it was the sheriff's fault!)) and went to confession. I had a nice little 5 minute confession at the parish hall with Father Patrick. The fact that he knows who I am and part of my life makes me feel a lot more comfortable. SO I said confession, and I prayed and I cmae back home. I washed some dishes, then proceeded to organize my school stuff because it's been a complete mess. SO now I have everything divided up, some of it even decorated! WOOT! lol... ok... so i started all homeworks and finished none. I will tomorrow. I mean, I'm half way through with everything. Except for the photograpy box... that I will do tomorrow.
OH and tomorrow I get to go see The passion for free at Mendenhall.... exciting! :) THAT should help out a lot with motivation and focus and my spiritual life in general. I also have to do some arrangements for the Worshipfest art workshop-- wanna hear a secret? shhhhhh-- i'm doing a creative collage worship workshop. :) I'm pretty excited!
i'm a little down... it's awesome Thursday I got a message from God, it's awesome that He has this amazingly creative plan... but today i feel a little down... i really think i'm bipolar... maybe i should get it checked...
today has been pretty uneventful. i went to buy a book, black core board for the box camera i get to make ( :-D) and i also accompanied my mom to Target and Kroger for all 10 minutes... then we came back, ate lunch. I took a 3 hour nap... when i woke up, I asked if I could borrow the car (since the van is not at home because a sheriff crashed it at my brother's hgh school (AND it was the sheriff's fault!)) and went to confession. I had a nice little 5 minute confession at the parish hall with Father Patrick. The fact that he knows who I am and part of my life makes me feel a lot more comfortable. SO I said confession, and I prayed and I cmae back home. I washed some dishes, then proceeded to organize my school stuff because it's been a complete mess. SO now I have everything divided up, some of it even decorated! WOOT! lol... ok... so i started all homeworks and finished none. I will tomorrow. I mean, I'm half way through with everything. Except for the photograpy box... that I will do tomorrow.
OH and tomorrow I get to go see The passion for free at Mendenhall.... exciting! :) THAT should help out a lot with motivation and focus and my spiritual life in general. I also have to do some arrangements for the Worshipfest art workshop-- wanna hear a secret? shhhhhh-- i'm doing a creative collage worship workshop. :) I'm pretty excited!
Friday, August 27, 2004
still an awesome day! (alleluia!)
well... what can i say? since that enlightened conversation last night, i was refueled with hope, love, faith, patience, joy.... ah it feels good!
yes patience... i know time has a beautiful pure gift in his hands... i think i might even know his name! hahaha... well.. you'd laugh if you knew what i was talking about... you'll laugh about it later.... ;)
wow... excerpt of Valediction forbidding mourning by John Donne--
Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.
But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.....
and then again, excerpt from "For you" by duncan sheik--
For you I want to sing a happier song
for you I'm gonna try to right all my wrongs
for you I'm gonna break my bad habits
there's a golden ring and I want you to have it
there's a golden ring and I want you
For you I'm gonna sit and patiently wait
it's great if you're early but if its fine if you're late
for you I feel love and I just want to show it....
it's an infinite world
and i want you...."
ah! l'amour! praise be to God for His exciting plan... now all I have to do is wait a bit.... tee hee...
yes patience... i know time has a beautiful pure gift in his hands... i think i might even know his name! hahaha... well.. you'd laugh if you knew what i was talking about... you'll laugh about it later.... ;)
wow... excerpt of Valediction forbidding mourning by John Donne--
Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.
But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.....
and then again, excerpt from "For you" by duncan sheik--
For you I want to sing a happier song
for you I'm gonna try to right all my wrongs
for you I'm gonna break my bad habits
there's a golden ring and I want you to have it
there's a golden ring and I want you
For you I'm gonna sit and patiently wait
it's great if you're early but if its fine if you're late
for you I feel love and I just want to show it....
it's an infinite world
and i want you...."
ah! l'amour! praise be to God for His exciting plan... now all I have to do is wait a bit.... tee hee...
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Praise be to God!
can't go into detail due to confidentiality issues... :-P BUT i can say I'm at peace... i've received wisdom and truth from someone i respect... i feel enlightened and free!!! i don't feel quite so sick.... i feel encouraged! it's like puzzle pieces fit together! :-D i don't know the exact plan, but i understand it a bit more now! and God just came in and blew my mind away! :) i was too concerned with legalities... with perceptions... i now see more clearly... my spirit can discern God's will better! :) wow-- lyrics in mind-- "I could sing unending songs, of how you saved my soul! oh i could dance a thousand miles, because of Your great love!... for now I know that God is for me not against me!..." yay! I knew this all along, but my trying to give up something turned out I was relying on my strength instead of God's love. wow... i feel so enlightened!!! my feelings are all God given! YAY! praise God for His marvelous plan!
wow... 3 wonderful conversations online... a sweet e-mail... i have nothing but praise, peace and joy... prayers are always answered! :-D
"Valediction to mourning" by John Donne ;) *goes off to sing happy love songs*
muah!
wow... 3 wonderful conversations online... a sweet e-mail... i have nothing but praise, peace and joy... prayers are always answered! :-D
"Valediction to mourning" by John Donne ;) *goes off to sing happy love songs*
muah!
ouchie
it's one of those days--
it all went well.. you just need someone to hold you and tell you they love you unconditionally... and they give you a hug, or a rub on the arm, they tell you "hey.. it's gonna be ok".... sometimes that's all i need to feel much better...
maybe i'm bipolar... i was pretty giddy the past few days.. or maybe everything is starting to sink in-- all my feelings... or i just simply want things to be static, stay in a moment.. and that's just unrealistic-- all things change always (except for God)... i thouhgt about it today... i want this guy to stay, i want my feelings for him to stay, i want his feelings for me to stay... and i said... ok let's suppose it all happens... he does not belong to me... even if we were to get married and ahev kids and grand kids... i'd have to give him back, he was only lent to me by God, a gift in my life. so whether is a very short time, or a very very long time, it will change sooner or later. it's pretty disturbing, unless i tihnk.. well it's God's will, and His will is perfect and it's for true deep eternal happiness... be it as He wills, despite my feelings....
it all went well.. you just need someone to hold you and tell you they love you unconditionally... and they give you a hug, or a rub on the arm, they tell you "hey.. it's gonna be ok".... sometimes that's all i need to feel much better...
maybe i'm bipolar... i was pretty giddy the past few days.. or maybe everything is starting to sink in-- all my feelings... or i just simply want things to be static, stay in a moment.. and that's just unrealistic-- all things change always (except for God)... i thouhgt about it today... i want this guy to stay, i want my feelings for him to stay, i want his feelings for me to stay... and i said... ok let's suppose it all happens... he does not belong to me... even if we were to get married and ahev kids and grand kids... i'd have to give him back, he was only lent to me by God, a gift in my life. so whether is a very short time, or a very very long time, it will change sooner or later. it's pretty disturbing, unless i tihnk.. well it's God's will, and His will is perfect and it's for true deep eternal happiness... be it as He wills, despite my feelings....
wishing
a bit of a sleepless night yesterday too....
i'm full of doubts and fears.... i hate feeling so dependent on a person... i'm feeling sick....
i just want to be an open book and tell the truth, but i'm afraid is not the time... we'll see.... now off to my regular day!
i'm full of doubts and fears.... i hate feeling so dependent on a person... i'm feeling sick....
i just want to be an open book and tell the truth, but i'm afraid is not the time... we'll see.... now off to my regular day!
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
a bit sick :(
te espero sentada en la esquina de siempre y mas arreglada que si fuera un viernes, sin ninguna cita hecha previamente... pero con la plena intuicion de verte....
it's a song by Shakira.... (about a girl whose intuition tells her she's gonna see the guy but he enevr comes)
tomorrow is my first day of photography! :-D yay!
i've never felt so beautiful and happy, i've never been so sure and scared.... maybe i'm making too much out of a little something... it's all paradoxical-- happy and sad... assured and scared... i feel protected, yet i feel so vulnerable... i feel like a baby... like one day imma wake up and everything's gonna be a lie... he's gonna say "nope... look here. i found this person! she's so great!" and i'll realize, well of course! once you get to know me really well, or you realize how rare you are, you'll be disenchanted... and then i think... wouldn't it be wonderful? if we would wait... if we actually had a future together! and it makes me feel girly and beautiful and i just want to dance.... but is it true? and i want to ask questions, and i want tos ee into the future... i want to be assured. i want to feel protected again... and yet... TIME and PATIENCE! it'll all solve itself out. no doubt! i only wish i knew how... maybe i wouldn't be so sick if i knew... thrilling anxiety!
ok now imma go and sleep.... tomorrow is a new day... i shall value whatever gifts it has in it's hands... i'll become a little wiser, and if i suffer, maybe a little stronger...
it's a song by Shakira.... (about a girl whose intuition tells her she's gonna see the guy but he enevr comes)
tomorrow is my first day of photography! :-D yay!
i've never felt so beautiful and happy, i've never been so sure and scared.... maybe i'm making too much out of a little something... it's all paradoxical-- happy and sad... assured and scared... i feel protected, yet i feel so vulnerable... i feel like a baby... like one day imma wake up and everything's gonna be a lie... he's gonna say "nope... look here. i found this person! she's so great!" and i'll realize, well of course! once you get to know me really well, or you realize how rare you are, you'll be disenchanted... and then i think... wouldn't it be wonderful? if we would wait... if we actually had a future together! and it makes me feel girly and beautiful and i just want to dance.... but is it true? and i want to ask questions, and i want tos ee into the future... i want to be assured. i want to feel protected again... and yet... TIME and PATIENCE! it'll all solve itself out. no doubt! i only wish i knew how... maybe i wouldn't be so sick if i knew... thrilling anxiety!
ok now imma go and sleep.... tomorrow is a new day... i shall value whatever gifts it has in it's hands... i'll become a little wiser, and if i suffer, maybe a little stronger...
first day of my second year and my third class is cancelled
hehehe... sleepless night... so i came up with a random title...
i don't know exactly why i couldn't sleep last night-- could've been bc i was sick and my nose pretty runny, could've been the sudafed i took, could've been today is the first day of classes for my second year of college. could be i have a lot in my mind lately....
good thing is, i got to pray for lots and lots of things. i also got to read a bit of big fish... tee hee... and i got to think of my soul hug and how nice it felt...
well gotta run! first day of classes!
i don't know exactly why i couldn't sleep last night-- could've been bc i was sick and my nose pretty runny, could've been the sudafed i took, could've been today is the first day of classes for my second year of college. could be i have a lot in my mind lately....
good thing is, i got to pray for lots and lots of things. i also got to read a bit of big fish... tee hee... and i got to think of my soul hug and how nice it felt...
well gotta run! first day of classes!
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
too many emotions at once?
excited-- :-D i start school tomorrow (art rocks my socks!)
sad-- my summer is over, 2 of my best friends are far away... something bit my elbow and it's a little swollen, and my allergies get on my nerves!
happy-- i feel pretty!
anxious-- i'm scared imma fail miserably in life, i'm scared i'm being selfish
concerned-- about one of my friends.. ask and i shall tell.. if i try to explain the wrong person will
get the wrong idea
thrilled-- new school year! Mason's project, life teen, 6:22 (of course!), new job (when i get one), new everything! YAY! (though i miss some of the old... ;( )
overall... i think i'm concerned with the future, not living up, and i'm concerned with people's emotions in general... but I praise God for the victory won! :-D YAY! everything!
sad-- my summer is over, 2 of my best friends are far away... something bit my elbow and it's a little swollen, and my allergies get on my nerves!
happy-- i feel pretty!
anxious-- i'm scared imma fail miserably in life, i'm scared i'm being selfish
concerned-- about one of my friends.. ask and i shall tell.. if i try to explain the wrong person will
get the wrong idea
thrilled-- new school year! Mason's project, life teen, 6:22 (of course!), new job (when i get one), new everything! YAY! (though i miss some of the old... ;( )
overall... i think i'm concerned with the future, not living up, and i'm concerned with people's emotions in general... but I praise God for the victory won! :-D YAY! everything!
pretty good day
i got awarded... yeah.... it went well. no biggie... then i went to ecu's job fair. i hoep i get a position as a photographer! THAT would totally rock my socks and it'd be "al fine du monde!" (out of this world, as Lucignolo (from Pinocchio) would say).... yeah we all knew i was a dork, i just came to prove it a fact!
i also checked out "Big Fish: a tale of mythic proportions" out of the library! I'm excited... sadly, i ahven't read a real book since.... wow... it has been a while! prolly tess of the d'ubervilles.... wow that's so pitiful! i love to read! it's been about a year and a half since i read a whole book.. a real book, like literary quality. like read in a week book. don't get me wrong-- i read everyday, but not a whole book. see.. i'm reading mother teresa, and that book ashley gave me (six hours one friday i believe it's called) , and i do read my Bible everyday... and the Bible does have literary significance... but I don't read it for literary purposes, i read it for spiritual purposes.... some things are meant to be read with the heart, and spiritual books would be most def. it. then again, i sometimes read literature with my heart? and i do think about the Bible as literature-- i look for symbolism and all that good stuf... anyhow... Big Fish! exctied to read a book!
looking forward to Power Hour and begininng classes tomorrow. excited about the plans God has for me. excited about peace! yep.... OH! and check out this site:
http://www.lyricstar.com/songlyrics/lyrics/Duncan-Sheik/For-You/26040
i've never actually heard the WHOLE song, but i've read the lyrics many many times, and i think they're simply beautiful. they make me smile, as many little things make me smile... as many happenings make me smile... peut etre je suis tombee amoureuse.. je ne sais pas!
i love french! oh la la! :-P i have allergies.. my throat aches... but you know what? it's a beautiful day and imma enjoy my last day of my summer vacations 2004. meanwhile, i'll keep listening to all those silly love songs they keep playing everywhere-- seems like they do it in purpose! arg... maybe they;ve always been there and i just noticed them... yeah... all i have to say... is-- "i feel pretty.. oh so pretty! I feel prety and witty and nice!" lol... yeah i feel like Maria in that movie.. so it has singing and dancing gangs... and it's not true love that they portray... (i hope i didn't just offend 100000 people!) anyhow... despite all the glitches... i can understand the emotions behind it. and i feel pretty! :-P wow.... blonde and girly moment... weird!
without further adue, i wish all of you a happy day in God. i hope the God of peace will overflow Your cup and His light will shine upon your face, and face to face, Your maker will smile and you will be overflowed with awesome things- wisdom, purity, goodness, love, joy, peace, faithfulness.... may your weaknesses be strengthened and your future hold a beautiful and fragrant flower in its hands! :-D peace!
i also checked out "Big Fish: a tale of mythic proportions" out of the library! I'm excited... sadly, i ahven't read a real book since.... wow... it has been a while! prolly tess of the d'ubervilles.... wow that's so pitiful! i love to read! it's been about a year and a half since i read a whole book.. a real book, like literary quality. like read in a week book. don't get me wrong-- i read everyday, but not a whole book. see.. i'm reading mother teresa, and that book ashley gave me (six hours one friday i believe it's called) , and i do read my Bible everyday... and the Bible does have literary significance... but I don't read it for literary purposes, i read it for spiritual purposes.... some things are meant to be read with the heart, and spiritual books would be most def. it. then again, i sometimes read literature with my heart? and i do think about the Bible as literature-- i look for symbolism and all that good stuf... anyhow... Big Fish! exctied to read a book!
looking forward to Power Hour and begininng classes tomorrow. excited about the plans God has for me. excited about peace! yep.... OH! and check out this site:
http://www.lyricstar.com/songlyrics/lyrics/Duncan-Sheik/For-You/26040
i've never actually heard the WHOLE song, but i've read the lyrics many many times, and i think they're simply beautiful. they make me smile, as many little things make me smile... as many happenings make me smile... peut etre je suis tombee amoureuse.. je ne sais pas!
i love french! oh la la! :-P i have allergies.. my throat aches... but you know what? it's a beautiful day and imma enjoy my last day of my summer vacations 2004. meanwhile, i'll keep listening to all those silly love songs they keep playing everywhere-- seems like they do it in purpose! arg... maybe they;ve always been there and i just noticed them... yeah... all i have to say... is-- "i feel pretty.. oh so pretty! I feel prety and witty and nice!" lol... yeah i feel like Maria in that movie.. so it has singing and dancing gangs... and it's not true love that they portray... (i hope i didn't just offend 100000 people!) anyhow... despite all the glitches... i can understand the emotions behind it. and i feel pretty! :-P wow.... blonde and girly moment... weird!
without further adue, i wish all of you a happy day in God. i hope the God of peace will overflow Your cup and His light will shine upon your face, and face to face, Your maker will smile and you will be overflowed with awesome things- wisdom, purity, goodness, love, joy, peace, faithfulness.... may your weaknesses be strengthened and your future hold a beautiful and fragrant flower in its hands! :-D peace!
Monday, August 23, 2004
argg
the one time i need to get to my e-mail account for ECU... guss what? it breaks down! arggg.....!
please write me some comments! i need some input people! makes me feel i'm not writing to myself.. though i wouldn't mind writing to myself....
everyone-- i love you. i'm blessed. thanks for any prayers! :-D
having a wonderful day really!
please write me some comments! i need some input people! makes me feel i'm not writing to myself.. though i wouldn't mind writing to myself....
everyone-- i love you. i'm blessed. thanks for any prayers! :-D
having a wonderful day really!
sweet dream!
:) yesterday i had a very sweet dream... someone kissed my hands, then my cheeks... as he was about to kiss me, my mom came into the kitchen and sent me to do something else... i know everyone is like "argg! he should've kissed you! argg your mom!" I was like that a bit at first-- BUT every single guy i've ever dreamed of kissing me has turned out to not be a real relationship that i was looking for. in fact, my dream with "the one" he turned away and didn't kiss me bc he respected me on my decision to ahve a bf at the time. oh yes! it was a sweet dream though... made me wake up with a big smile.. so big my dad asked me, "what did you dream last night?" oh... i don't know.... though i'm not a good liar he didn't further question me... :-D
on other things... fields of flowers, big fish, creme soda, sweet words... *sigh* :-P
hehehe-- i never told you guys... i got a soul hug on friday! :) it was pretty good... prolly one of the best hugs i've ever gotten...
yeah... i applied to 2 places today... i'm hoping maybe i'll get hired at Artisan's (that would rock!) so maybe... *crosses fingers* :-P
ah mon amour! pourquoi est que je t'aime? je ne le comprends pas! je ne le comprendrai jamais! ah le francaise... trop beau...
i was about to say, no song today-- but there is-- "the sweetest thing" by U2 and everything by lifehouse.... ah yes.... good day sunshine! by the beatles.... hehehe.. i'm pretty uppidty today...
on other things... fields of flowers, big fish, creme soda, sweet words... *sigh* :-P
hehehe-- i never told you guys... i got a soul hug on friday! :) it was pretty good... prolly one of the best hugs i've ever gotten...
yeah... i applied to 2 places today... i'm hoping maybe i'll get hired at Artisan's (that would rock!) so maybe... *crosses fingers* :-P
ah mon amour! pourquoi est que je t'aime? je ne le comprends pas! je ne le comprendrai jamais! ah le francaise... trop beau...
i was about to say, no song today-- but there is-- "the sweetest thing" by U2 and everything by lifehouse.... ah yes.... good day sunshine! by the beatles.... hehehe.. i'm pretty uppidty today...
Sunday, August 22, 2004
everything
wow! after 30 minutes of writing, my blog dissappeared... it was so beautiful too... argg.. ok i'll try to write it out again!
ok first of all.. i started my day by listening to jim croce, time in a bottle, beautiful song!
then i went to Mass and I realized several things...
first of all.. I've been losing sight... i've been losing my focus on God and his works... oh man! I had it so beautifully written out before... now i can't do the same stream of consciousness i had in the past... but i'll try--
well yesterday i was talking with someone about my "emotional" life and I told them one night a little while ago i prayed to love someone the same way God loves him. i was expecting God to respond "Hannia, you're all wrong, you're not supposed to love him like that" or "Hannia, what are you doing? liking a guy *shakes head*" and what I got instead was.."if you saw what i saw, you'd love him even more".... i felt speechless and a little awestruck.. i'm thick-headed, so i figured... WOW! i'm allowed to love this guy! :) then as i retold the story yesterday, it hit me-- I will never love this guy like God can. I've never nailed my Son for this guy's sake. I can never fully love like God.
as of late, vanity has gotten the best out of me.. i've let some things get to my head... so i got humbled today.... as i was out to receive the Eucharist I saw Christ's heart on fire... I felt so ashamed... I looked and I saw Him bleeding, sad... you know, it's not so much the physical agony, but the emotional one. I've let Him be a wallflower in my life... I saw His heart on fire... He called me out. I'm weak and broken... I've been seeking and pursuing after my own interests and put pause on His... I saw His love and mercy.. He doesn't condemn me, He calls me out... God, I'm poor, I'm weak, I'm pretty broken.... I'm unworthy, I'm unclean. He's physically broken, in pain... my sin has caused pain upon His body, upon His holy pure heart. ashamed, i fall down... how do i dare touch his feet? I am unclean, yet His hand reaches out, in mercy He touches my head. I can only hope to kiss His feet-- scarred by and for my sins.. I say, i'm unworthy, unclean. I'm broken, i'm a sinner. please forgive me, please take me. You are true love, You are true life, by You I can see, by You I can love... and He just takes You in His arms, and His love overflows... the cup is always half empty, humans are always naturally pessimistic, yet by Him, we overflow in good things.... and my heart.. it only wishes to sing praises and be an instrument for His work.... His work of goodness and kindness...
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
C.S. Lewis
anything beautiful or pure, anything worthy, He made it so. my love is imperfect for it's human love. I wish I could love like God, but I'm merely a vessel, i'm not the source. i'm humbled and grateful for it. I'm grateful for his unfailing, faithful, full love. I'm grateful for this life and the chances I have of seeing His love in other people's lives.
you will see and find this love... seek and you shall find. i'm excited to about the plans God has for you, and I know He loves you... find Him. find HIm in the silence, find His burning heart. He wants to overflow your cup too. when you find Him, perfect love will come. eternal and pure... peace be with you and blessing pour upon you. much love! muah! :-D
ok first of all.. i started my day by listening to jim croce, time in a bottle, beautiful song!
then i went to Mass and I realized several things...
first of all.. I've been losing sight... i've been losing my focus on God and his works... oh man! I had it so beautifully written out before... now i can't do the same stream of consciousness i had in the past... but i'll try--
well yesterday i was talking with someone about my "emotional" life and I told them one night a little while ago i prayed to love someone the same way God loves him. i was expecting God to respond "Hannia, you're all wrong, you're not supposed to love him like that" or "Hannia, what are you doing? liking a guy *shakes head*" and what I got instead was.."if you saw what i saw, you'd love him even more".... i felt speechless and a little awestruck.. i'm thick-headed, so i figured... WOW! i'm allowed to love this guy! :) then as i retold the story yesterday, it hit me-- I will never love this guy like God can. I've never nailed my Son for this guy's sake. I can never fully love like God.
as of late, vanity has gotten the best out of me.. i've let some things get to my head... so i got humbled today.... as i was out to receive the Eucharist I saw Christ's heart on fire... I felt so ashamed... I looked and I saw Him bleeding, sad... you know, it's not so much the physical agony, but the emotional one. I've let Him be a wallflower in my life... I saw His heart on fire... He called me out. I'm weak and broken... I've been seeking and pursuing after my own interests and put pause on His... I saw His love and mercy.. He doesn't condemn me, He calls me out... God, I'm poor, I'm weak, I'm pretty broken.... I'm unworthy, I'm unclean. He's physically broken, in pain... my sin has caused pain upon His body, upon His holy pure heart. ashamed, i fall down... how do i dare touch his feet? I am unclean, yet His hand reaches out, in mercy He touches my head. I can only hope to kiss His feet-- scarred by and for my sins.. I say, i'm unworthy, unclean. I'm broken, i'm a sinner. please forgive me, please take me. You are true love, You are true life, by You I can see, by You I can love... and He just takes You in His arms, and His love overflows... the cup is always half empty, humans are always naturally pessimistic, yet by Him, we overflow in good things.... and my heart.. it only wishes to sing praises and be an instrument for His work.... His work of goodness and kindness...
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
C.S. Lewis
anything beautiful or pure, anything worthy, He made it so. my love is imperfect for it's human love. I wish I could love like God, but I'm merely a vessel, i'm not the source. i'm humbled and grateful for it. I'm grateful for his unfailing, faithful, full love. I'm grateful for this life and the chances I have of seeing His love in other people's lives.
you will see and find this love... seek and you shall find. i'm excited to about the plans God has for you, and I know He loves you... find Him. find HIm in the silence, find His burning heart. He wants to overflow your cup too. when you find Him, perfect love will come. eternal and pure... peace be with you and blessing pour upon you. much love! muah! :-D
Saturday, August 21, 2004
2 sweaters to compensate
yeah i bought 2 sweaters today... i think i'm trying to compensate for emotional distress... i am WAITING for a phone call (so if it's you, please call me anytime before 11 PM)
i'm wearing a dress and make up, yet i feel blue... oh i wanted to translate a song by a guy called ricardo arjone.. it's called "solo queria un cafe" (i only wanted some coffee) if you want to hear it go here and click track number 7--http://shopping.yahoo.com/p:Galeria%20Caribe:1921417083;_ylt=Arhs9azYHjoyFBka8n4igThUvQcF;_ylu=X3oDMTBzZTVhM3RqBF9zAzk1OTUxMTEzBGx0AzQEc2VjA2FydHByb2Q-
i only wanted a coffee
with a bit of sugar
maybe a croissant
i didn't go to socialize or flirt
i only wanted a coffee
maybe to look
at the bad news in papers
and to shake my chronic morning lazyness off
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
and you changed my life, my rhythm, my space, my time, my history, my dreams and everything
you added laughter, two doubts, an elf, a cople of ghosts and
this love i have for you
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
who would have thought that morning
in the coffeeshop
i was to coincide with the miracle
of stepping into the same space
at the same time that you
and as if that wasn't enough
that your eyes would set on me.
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
and you changed my life, my rhythm, my space, my time, my history, my dreams and everything
you added laughter, two doubts, an elf, a cople of ghosts and
this love i have for you
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
yeah... the sound is so sweet and melancholy... it made me bawl yesterday-- not only was i fired from a stupid job but 3 of my 6 friends are now out of town... :-/ i kow i'll see them, but i know i'm gonna miss them.... :( i love you guys! muah!
i'm wearing a dress and make up, yet i feel blue... oh i wanted to translate a song by a guy called ricardo arjone.. it's called "solo queria un cafe" (i only wanted some coffee) if you want to hear it go here and click track number 7--http://shopping.yahoo.com/p:Galeria%20Caribe:1921417083;_ylt=Arhs9azYHjoyFBka8n4igThUvQcF;_ylu=X3oDMTBzZTVhM3RqBF9zAzk1OTUxMTEzBGx0AzQEc2VjA2FydHByb2Q-
i only wanted a coffee
with a bit of sugar
maybe a croissant
i didn't go to socialize or flirt
i only wanted a coffee
maybe to look
at the bad news in papers
and to shake my chronic morning lazyness off
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
and you changed my life, my rhythm, my space, my time, my history, my dreams and everything
you added laughter, two doubts, an elf, a cople of ghosts and
this love i have for you
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
who would have thought that morning
in the coffeeshop
i was to coincide with the miracle
of stepping into the same space
at the same time that you
and as if that wasn't enough
that your eyes would set on me.
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
and you changed my life, my rhythm, my space, my time, my history, my dreams and everything
you added laughter, two doubts, an elf, a cople of ghosts and
this love i have for you
i swear by me i only wanted some coffee
but i saw you
yeah... the sound is so sweet and melancholy... it made me bawl yesterday-- not only was i fired from a stupid job but 3 of my 6 friends are now out of town... :-/ i kow i'll see them, but i know i'm gonna miss them.... :( i love you guys! muah!
Friday, August 20, 2004
Theresa
i've been thinking and praying for you. you deserve to be someone's dream house and you deserve your field of white roses :-D i think you'll get it from the person you least expect it and at the most unexpected time...
i love you! muah!
i love you! muah!
a bit sleepy
well last night was half lovely, half distressful....
some people do deserve a kick-butt for their thick headedness, but we shall remain nameless.... ;) think rainbow sherbet and creme soda instead, PLEASE!
well for everyone wondering-- i did start apprenticing yesterday at a trophy place. i don't yet know if i'm gonna stay or not, being that i feel stupid and slow in my work, and the tutor (?) she's not extremely friendly and she can't teach how to apprentice very well....
tomorrow i get to pick my books from ECU... i must admit i am excited, i really like my classes next semester (and i would post them, but being that i have... umm.. 4 friends at ECU, i doubt i'll have classes with any of them)...
and as for the topic of my emotional life (which i have been avoiding)... i just have to repeat-- patience and time... i could just run and be like juliet... but i don't want to fall passionately in love with an idea of love, i want to truly love someone... flaws and everything... and sometimes present time makes us see an alternate reality which is not the big picture... i don't know... time tests and proves whether a person is in love with another person, or with the idea of love... along that matter-- time gives a chance to grow and fall in love with God in a deeper way... that's how i want to view my singleness-- as a chance for me to grow and fall more deeply for God. I want to be crazy mad in love with God, I want to get carried away and shine like the sun (or the Son?). I want to learn about God and I want Him to speak to me... wow... i just realized the importance of the present time and my duties today... i often look so much into the future that i forget i'm stuck with today... which reminds me of
"and i find myself just living for today, 'cause i don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring.. and no matter if rise or fall.. i'll never be alone noooooooo! Nothing compares, to the greatness of knowing you Lord... noooo...." (third Day, nothing compares) and also
"in my dreams, i see visions of the future... but today we have today" (Switchfoot, "the economy of mercy")
i always have a song stuck in my head!
some people do deserve a kick-butt for their thick headedness, but we shall remain nameless.... ;) think rainbow sherbet and creme soda instead, PLEASE!
well for everyone wondering-- i did start apprenticing yesterday at a trophy place. i don't yet know if i'm gonna stay or not, being that i feel stupid and slow in my work, and the tutor (?) she's not extremely friendly and she can't teach how to apprentice very well....
tomorrow i get to pick my books from ECU... i must admit i am excited, i really like my classes next semester (and i would post them, but being that i have... umm.. 4 friends at ECU, i doubt i'll have classes with any of them)...
and as for the topic of my emotional life (which i have been avoiding)... i just have to repeat-- patience and time... i could just run and be like juliet... but i don't want to fall passionately in love with an idea of love, i want to truly love someone... flaws and everything... and sometimes present time makes us see an alternate reality which is not the big picture... i don't know... time tests and proves whether a person is in love with another person, or with the idea of love... along that matter-- time gives a chance to grow and fall in love with God in a deeper way... that's how i want to view my singleness-- as a chance for me to grow and fall more deeply for God. I want to be crazy mad in love with God, I want to get carried away and shine like the sun (or the Son?). I want to learn about God and I want Him to speak to me... wow... i just realized the importance of the present time and my duties today... i often look so much into the future that i forget i'm stuck with today... which reminds me of
"and i find myself just living for today, 'cause i don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring.. and no matter if rise or fall.. i'll never be alone noooooooo! Nothing compares, to the greatness of knowing you Lord... noooo...." (third Day, nothing compares) and also
"in my dreams, i see visions of the future... but today we have today" (Switchfoot, "the economy of mercy")
i always have a song stuck in my head!
Thursday, August 19, 2004
half empty, half full cup
a little thought:
is the cup half empty, or half full?
if we are the cup, we will always be a little empty until God comes and fills us and then we'll overflow....
overflow with or in what?
we will overflow in love, goodness, kindness, self-control, joy, peace, generosity, faithfulness, and patience....
we will overflow and radiate, we will become new, we will die to ourselves to become this new and marvelous creature, the one God meant for us to be....
is the cup half empty, or half full?
if we are the cup, we will always be a little empty until God comes and fills us and then we'll overflow....
overflow with or in what?
we will overflow in love, goodness, kindness, self-control, joy, peace, generosity, faithfulness, and patience....
we will overflow and radiate, we will become new, we will die to ourselves to become this new and marvelous creature, the one God meant for us to be....
bittersweet
well... first of all-- check out this song-- ("everything" by lighthouse)
find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
(yeah)
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
'cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
oh yeah... beautiful song... if you guys are wondering ????? what the crap? i guess i'll have a little explaining--
yesterday for some odd reason i played the song in complete darkness... and i recalled how full of God i felt a night in the mission trip...
fullness is not something you experience everyday.. i know i've been sorta out there, it's like i can't concentrate in prayer.... i can't hear God's voice.... i'm going through another spiritual dryness period...
praise God! when times like this pass, i have to keep in mind God is here with me, i have to remember is a test of faith and hope. He's never left me before, why should I start doubting today?AND if God finds me suitable for a test that means I'm walking forward! YAY! :-D
Luke 1:46-55
And Mary said: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.
For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.
The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.
His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him.
He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.
He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.
The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy,
according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever."
i love that passage, Mary's so awesome! :-D
find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
(yeah)
you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
'cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this?
oh yeah... beautiful song... if you guys are wondering ????? what the crap? i guess i'll have a little explaining--
yesterday for some odd reason i played the song in complete darkness... and i recalled how full of God i felt a night in the mission trip...
fullness is not something you experience everyday.. i know i've been sorta out there, it's like i can't concentrate in prayer.... i can't hear God's voice.... i'm going through another spiritual dryness period...
praise God! when times like this pass, i have to keep in mind God is here with me, i have to remember is a test of faith and hope. He's never left me before, why should I start doubting today?AND if God finds me suitable for a test that means I'm walking forward! YAY! :-D
Luke 1:46-55
And Mary said: "My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my savior.
For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed.
The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.
His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him.
He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart.
He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly.
The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped Israel his servant, remembering his mercy,
according to his promise to our fathers, to Abraham and to his descendants forever."
i love that passage, Mary's so awesome! :-D
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
feel like writing
beautiful sunshine day, i feel like writing
beautiful unknown
mystery of fate
my heart pounds in my chest
i am lost in a dream
i can't look into your eyes
they pierce into my soul
yet self control
wins over every time
if you could see right through me
you'd hear whispers unspoken
have i given up?
no
love is patient
it is not self seeking
i hold your thoughts in my heart
i hold my thoughts in my heart
sometimes
i write them out
with stars and heavenly lullabies
i set you free
worship God
love....
beautiful unknown
mystery of fate
my heart pounds in my chest
i am lost in a dream
i can't look into your eyes
they pierce into my soul
yet self control
wins over every time
if you could see right through me
you'd hear whispers unspoken
have i given up?
no
love is patient
it is not self seeking
i hold your thoughts in my heart
i hold my thoughts in my heart
sometimes
i write them out
with stars and heavenly lullabies
i set you free
worship God
love....
Good day sunshine!
YAY! Here comes the sun, du du du du... here comes the sun, and I say it's all right! :-D
i get to cook for 30 people at Teen CBS tonight, I'm so excited I'm about to pee my pants... :-P (great mental image I'm sure....)
now I'm wondering, apparently people do read this thing, how come I have no comments? Show me some love people!
wow... i'm peppy today... and bubbly... maybe the sun does have some effect on me?
maybe sweet words and a kind thought can brighten a whole day? :)
yeah-- all you people who know the story--
i went to wal mart today.. to buy stuff for the 30 people dinner tonight.. and guess who was in cash register? oh yeah... that guy... so I took the cash register to his right... avoiding is great... ;) (lol this will only make sense to like 3 people... oh well! if you want to know "cash-register-boy-at-Wal-Mart story, ask and i shall tell... though is a lot funner when it's in code)
Theresa-- big shout out to you! i woke up thinking about our trip to Mexico... I don't know why... oh wait! yes i do! I dreamed justin timberlake looked hideous bc he had done plastic sugery and we were making fun on him... subsequently, that evil little song by JC got stuck in my head ("everyday i think about sex with you... with you...." (ARG! it shouldn't be so freakin' catchy) ) and then i laughed of course, because they're the most random, nasty, and stupid lyrics i could have stuck in my head.... (it's like that song-- "i smell sex and cannnndy, yeah... whose that in myyyy head? blah blah... baby this surely is a dream... yeah..." very catchy, awful lyrics)
so i played relient k and got it unstuck... and got relient k stuck, then i went to the car and listened to happy songs, songs of sunshine, and all good stuff.... now i have no song stuck in my head... :-D wait yes i do--- ANYTHING by Third Day.. awesome lyrics, can't complain...
theresa-- you rock my socks! we gotta karaoke some time together (r-e-s-p-e-c-t! find out what it maens to me! sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome........ lol) then i can cook for you and maybe this time, no drunk guy will try to seduce us innocent girls! ;)
it's a beautiful day and i feel very much alive!
i get to cook for 30 people at Teen CBS tonight, I'm so excited I'm about to pee my pants... :-P (great mental image I'm sure....)
now I'm wondering, apparently people do read this thing, how come I have no comments? Show me some love people!
wow... i'm peppy today... and bubbly... maybe the sun does have some effect on me?
maybe sweet words and a kind thought can brighten a whole day? :)
yeah-- all you people who know the story--
i went to wal mart today.. to buy stuff for the 30 people dinner tonight.. and guess who was in cash register? oh yeah... that guy... so I took the cash register to his right... avoiding is great... ;) (lol this will only make sense to like 3 people... oh well! if you want to know "cash-register-boy-at-Wal-Mart story, ask and i shall tell... though is a lot funner when it's in code)
Theresa-- big shout out to you! i woke up thinking about our trip to Mexico... I don't know why... oh wait! yes i do! I dreamed justin timberlake looked hideous bc he had done plastic sugery and we were making fun on him... subsequently, that evil little song by JC got stuck in my head ("everyday i think about sex with you... with you...." (ARG! it shouldn't be so freakin' catchy) ) and then i laughed of course, because they're the most random, nasty, and stupid lyrics i could have stuck in my head.... (it's like that song-- "i smell sex and cannnndy, yeah... whose that in myyyy head? blah blah... baby this surely is a dream... yeah..." very catchy, awful lyrics)
so i played relient k and got it unstuck... and got relient k stuck, then i went to the car and listened to happy songs, songs of sunshine, and all good stuff.... now i have no song stuck in my head... :-D wait yes i do--- ANYTHING by Third Day.. awesome lyrics, can't complain...
theresa-- you rock my socks! we gotta karaoke some time together (r-e-s-p-e-c-t! find out what it maens to me! sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome sockittome........ lol) then i can cook for you and maybe this time, no drunk guy will try to seduce us innocent girls! ;)
it's a beautiful day and i feel very much alive!
Monday, August 16, 2004
Jefferson Airplane...
Jefferson Airplane, song by relient K--
"If it hurts kiss it better You wear skirts I write nice letters Never said nothing with flowers Though we always talked for hours And it seems to get much colder when you cry on your own shoulder And we know the show must go on Guess I know I guess I'll throw on CHORUS: (Some) Jefferson airplane I'm trapped and I am enclosed But I won't complain I'll open all the windows Jefferson airplane I'm trapped and I am enclosed But I won't complain I'll open all the windows 'Cause when it's colder I feel much better
when I cry on my own shoulder Just throw on a sweater and go
And I'll go to undergo a change of heart,
a change of clothes
And when I'm home I think I'll go eat cereal
and stare out the window..."
yeah-- played in my cd player-- also-- Jars of clay "sad clown"
"Say how's the weather,
so I look out the window
To brighten my soul,
but I can't control
the rain that keeps falling
Smile on the outside
that never comes in
A comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy
So I scream "let the show begin"
You break me open,
turn on the light
Stumble inside with me
with me
Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit
to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful?
Do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt,
I put on this hat
I wore all this paint
just for you..."
i have no complains, just a long night's day...
my uncle left, my friends leave soon... and i want them to stay...
i start all over... new teahcers, new classes, new everything-- what i've been wanting-- newness, and now-- i'm merely terrified. petrified. stupefied.
a leap of faith. God IS faithful, He will hold my hand as i walk into kindergarten again. He whispered He was excited about the plans He ahd for me, so I better believe His words than my emotions, right? assure me, hold my hand, don't let go... i feel cold, i stare out the window, i feel frsutrated and gray like this lukewarm day. it should rain or shine, btu not in the middle... i always feel like you can't be in the middle, go to the left or right, but please stand strong on your side. ha-- the irony-- me... i stand in the middle right now. i won't let you in my whole life, i won't let you in my emotions or my head, i stand right in the center-- not stepping forwards or backwards, not moving closer or further.. and i complain about a gray day when the day prolly has no more effect on my mood than if my car was a different color.... i'm a hypocrite-- victim of emotions vs. rationale...............
but i believe....
"If it hurts kiss it better You wear skirts I write nice letters Never said nothing with flowers Though we always talked for hours And it seems to get much colder when you cry on your own shoulder And we know the show must go on Guess I know I guess I'll throw on CHORUS: (Some) Jefferson airplane I'm trapped and I am enclosed But I won't complain I'll open all the windows Jefferson airplane I'm trapped and I am enclosed But I won't complain I'll open all the windows 'Cause when it's colder I feel much better
when I cry on my own shoulder Just throw on a sweater and go
And I'll go to undergo a change of heart,
a change of clothes
And when I'm home I think I'll go eat cereal
and stare out the window..."
yeah-- played in my cd player-- also-- Jars of clay "sad clown"
"Say how's the weather,
so I look out the window
To brighten my soul,
but I can't control
the rain that keeps falling
Smile on the outside
that never comes in
A comedy, mystery, irony, tragedy
So I scream "let the show begin"
You break me open,
turn on the light
Stumble inside with me
with me
Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit
to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful?
Do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt,
I put on this hat
I wore all this paint
just for you..."
i have no complains, just a long night's day...
my uncle left, my friends leave soon... and i want them to stay...
i start all over... new teahcers, new classes, new everything-- what i've been wanting-- newness, and now-- i'm merely terrified. petrified. stupefied.
a leap of faith. God IS faithful, He will hold my hand as i walk into kindergarten again. He whispered He was excited about the plans He ahd for me, so I better believe His words than my emotions, right? assure me, hold my hand, don't let go... i feel cold, i stare out the window, i feel frsutrated and gray like this lukewarm day. it should rain or shine, btu not in the middle... i always feel like you can't be in the middle, go to the left or right, but please stand strong on your side. ha-- the irony-- me... i stand in the middle right now. i won't let you in my whole life, i won't let you in my emotions or my head, i stand right in the center-- not stepping forwards or backwards, not moving closer or further.. and i complain about a gray day when the day prolly has no more effect on my mood than if my car was a different color.... i'm a hypocrite-- victim of emotions vs. rationale...............
but i believe....
Saturday, August 14, 2004
i want to shine
"Sing to the Lord a new song..."
i want to be a new song... i want to be simple... i never meant to be complex... i always meant to be as simple as a child...
i want to shine like the stars on job 38 when the sons of God shouted for joy....
my patience ran out yesterday... :(
then i got my patience back. i trust in God's promises. i trust He will deliver me into the promised land...
my sign... i want to see my sign... but patience and time and having my eyes on God will get me my beautiful sign... *oh my beautiful sign* *sniff* lol...
now i feel the beauty
now i see the rain
waiting is worth it
only for you
patience and time
faith hope and love
and between the raindrops
i know you'll come
in time and in faith...
i want to be a new song... i want to be simple... i never meant to be complex... i always meant to be as simple as a child...
i want to shine like the stars on job 38 when the sons of God shouted for joy....
my patience ran out yesterday... :(
then i got my patience back. i trust in God's promises. i trust He will deliver me into the promised land...
my sign... i want to see my sign... but patience and time and having my eyes on God will get me my beautiful sign... *oh my beautiful sign* *sniff* lol...
now i feel the beauty
now i see the rain
waiting is worth it
only for you
patience and time
faith hope and love
and between the raindrops
i know you'll come
in time and in faith...
Friday, August 13, 2004
gray day
gray day today
internal conflict
oh my conscience came to have lunch with me today... yeah, my own Jiminey Cricket... haha..
she told me to be careful with my actions.... i hate people who are wreckless with other people's emotions, and yet i am being wreckless with other people's emotions... ughhhhhhhhhhhh-- my ugly inner self
i don't mean to cause pain, yet i'm causing pain to myself, and my thoughts are not the way they used to be... i don't mean to sound over dramatic, ughh-- i hate drama queens... just saying i need to be careful and my mind has to be working.. i've let too much of my emotions drive me lately...
in better topics--
i talked to Beth today.. lovely chat... she has a cool job and she's coming back soon... it's exciting to think in a little while i'll be back in school, doing what i love, and i can distract myself from my own internal conflict, or maybe even come to some conclusions... space will come
also on the upper side, tomorrow i get to go see Starfield! :-D oh excitement! yay! i should keep that in mind.. :)
internal conflict
oh my conscience came to have lunch with me today... yeah, my own Jiminey Cricket... haha..
she told me to be careful with my actions.... i hate people who are wreckless with other people's emotions, and yet i am being wreckless with other people's emotions... ughhhhhhhhhhhh-- my ugly inner self
i don't mean to cause pain, yet i'm causing pain to myself, and my thoughts are not the way they used to be... i don't mean to sound over dramatic, ughh-- i hate drama queens... just saying i need to be careful and my mind has to be working.. i've let too much of my emotions drive me lately...
in better topics--
i talked to Beth today.. lovely chat... she has a cool job and she's coming back soon... it's exciting to think in a little while i'll be back in school, doing what i love, and i can distract myself from my own internal conflict, or maybe even come to some conclusions... space will come
also on the upper side, tomorrow i get to go see Starfield! :-D oh excitement! yay! i should keep that in mind.. :)
Thursday, August 12, 2004
i wasn't prepared
oh, when the day is blue i'll sit here wondering about you and how the pollen fell all around your face in strange yellow patterns but, i wasn't prepared for this oh, i wasn't prepared for this when the morning came the bees flew down and wrapped themselves around me and that's when i spoke the word to have them trace your face for me in pollen but, i wasn't prepared for this oh, i wasn't prepared for this come, come back to me, my, my darling come, come back to me, my, my darling i wasn't prepared for this oh, i wasn't prepared for this when the day is blue i'll sit here wondering about you
great song by eisley... i have it stuck in my head... it's great
there's those people that make you feel stupid and ugly and you think
"he's soo hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! like cleopatra, joan of arc, or aphrodite...." (lol... i know the song says she...)
then there's those people... they're your friends... you care about them, they care about you... all of a sudden, you realize they make you feel smart and pretty... they just do, magically. so you start wanting to make them feel smart and beautiful... and it all starts as a joke, then it grows uncontrollably into something you never meant to happen.... then you're terrfied... all of a sudden, you hold his heart in your hands, and you realize it's not your place... not just yet... why?
well... you care too much... if it was a stranger you could break their heart and keep on walking, but being that you are friends and you actually care about the person, you can't just take it lightly... maybe it's all a matter of loneliness and youth... or a matter of seeing the inner most beauty of a person, and when a human sees that radiation that comes from the soul the person wants to keep it to her/himself. i don't know...
all i know is that he's still very much an enigma to me, as well as something well known... all i know is that time and space solves lots of problems, all i know is that i've given up on trying to figure it out... it's gonna solve itself out, by the wondrous miracle of time... God has someone for me, whether is this person or someone else, time space, God and the guy will tell....
great song by eisley... i have it stuck in my head... it's great
there's those people that make you feel stupid and ugly and you think
"he's soo hiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh! like cleopatra, joan of arc, or aphrodite...." (lol... i know the song says she...)
then there's those people... they're your friends... you care about them, they care about you... all of a sudden, you realize they make you feel smart and pretty... they just do, magically. so you start wanting to make them feel smart and beautiful... and it all starts as a joke, then it grows uncontrollably into something you never meant to happen.... then you're terrfied... all of a sudden, you hold his heart in your hands, and you realize it's not your place... not just yet... why?
well... you care too much... if it was a stranger you could break their heart and keep on walking, but being that you are friends and you actually care about the person, you can't just take it lightly... maybe it's all a matter of loneliness and youth... or a matter of seeing the inner most beauty of a person, and when a human sees that radiation that comes from the soul the person wants to keep it to her/himself. i don't know...
all i know is that he's still very much an enigma to me, as well as something well known... all i know is that time and space solves lots of problems, all i know is that i've given up on trying to figure it out... it's gonna solve itself out, by the wondrous miracle of time... God has someone for me, whether is this person or someone else, time space, God and the guy will tell....
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
I've always loved you
http://songbook.manueladam.com/ID/da5944d5-2f08-4786-b8ff-81c6885ef998/show.lyrics
they played it today (www.air1.com/) and it sent chills through and through.... :-D thought I might share the lyrics with you!
they played it today (www.air1.com/) and it sent chills through and through.... :-D thought I might share the lyrics with you!
dooo wop!
yeah i need a job... i've applied several places, we'll see how it goes.. it's matter of faith and knowing God will provide the best possible job, not merely a wimpy no-good job :)
I woke up really excited today... I really want a volunteer program to start for my youth group.. the idea is for the college leaders to be responsible for the organization and we can have an ongoing service to the community.. or an ongoing mission trip... oh how good that would be!!! fellowship and service... oh yeah! i was even thinking we can provide rides for the kids (if the parents don't want to volunteer or if it's cumbersome for them to take the kids) i don't know how the legal stuff works with that though... ughhh legal stuff....
yeah!
I woke up really excited today... I really want a volunteer program to start for my youth group.. the idea is for the college leaders to be responsible for the organization and we can have an ongoing service to the community.. or an ongoing mission trip... oh how good that would be!!! fellowship and service... oh yeah! i was even thinking we can provide rides for the kids (if the parents don't want to volunteer or if it's cumbersome for them to take the kids) i don't know how the legal stuff works with that though... ughhh legal stuff....
yeah!
Monday, August 09, 2004
blah
YAY! they're playing Lifehouse! ("Hangin' by a moment") (www.air1.com) I love that song! :-D
yeah... okay... emotions emotions... I need a job badly, but I'm scared imma end up with another job like last year's, were the pay is fairly good but it's monotonous and i hated it... i start wondering if the problem is inside of me, ya know? maybe i should be satisfied, maybe the problem is within... i don't know...
i guess the Mission Trip high is coming down... :( I need Jesus badly... (yeah... don't we all? )
yeah whatev...
you're out of confidence
you're confused,
tortured,
terrified
honestly,
so am i
but its a matter
of faith
time
and space
the outcome is yet to be
yeah... okay... emotions emotions... I need a job badly, but I'm scared imma end up with another job like last year's, were the pay is fairly good but it's monotonous and i hated it... i start wondering if the problem is inside of me, ya know? maybe i should be satisfied, maybe the problem is within... i don't know...
i guess the Mission Trip high is coming down... :( I need Jesus badly... (yeah... don't we all? )
yeah whatev...
you're out of confidence
you're confused,
tortured,
terrified
honestly,
so am i
but its a matter
of faith
time
and space
the outcome is yet to be
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