i spent 4 hours at Jenkins Fine Arts center yesterday and I'm going right now (it's 6:40)....
enough said!
good thing is-- i get to rest a bit today and on the weekend.... *phew*
well now off to my prints!
(Hebrews 11)....
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
faith
yep.... everyone's struggling a little bit with trusting-- so i can tell you to read Hebrews 11. GREAT GREAT chapter! :-D shows you how faithful and how powerful God is....
as for my life.... well i'm extremely sorry i ruined Will's photography project... i keep trying to bribe the kid, but he jsut won't let me! not even with German chocolate cake! ... oh well... nice kid... he understood..... and he doesn't hate me which is even more surprising and good
i might be able to go to a wedding! :) but then-- no Stephen :-/ we'll see... maybe i can figure a way to have both.. like going and coming back quickly or something.... we'll see! i'm trying to figure it out... if not.... well..... it's my once in a lifetime opportunity to see my cousin get married... i'll prolly cry lol (like Beth's picture made me cry.. it wasn't even sad! it moved me though....)
gotta go need my sleep! mUAH!
as for my life.... well i'm extremely sorry i ruined Will's photography project... i keep trying to bribe the kid, but he jsut won't let me! not even with German chocolate cake! ... oh well... nice kid... he understood..... and he doesn't hate me which is even more surprising and good
i might be able to go to a wedding! :) but then-- no Stephen :-/ we'll see... maybe i can figure a way to have both.. like going and coming back quickly or something.... we'll see! i'm trying to figure it out... if not.... well..... it's my once in a lifetime opportunity to see my cousin get married... i'll prolly cry lol (like Beth's picture made me cry.. it wasn't even sad! it moved me though....)
gotta go need my sleep! mUAH!
Sunday, September 26, 2004
but.... WHY?!
but WHY?! what are they thinking? why and where and how did they get lost? they were just like me-- i grew up with them... i thought it was them who would hold out-- steadfast and with their heads high-- untouched by the demons in this world..... well i guess i was wrong....
it breaks my heart! why would ANYONE freely choose to hurt the heart of God? then i came upon my own sinfulness... (i have deliberately hurt the heart of God too) and it's not my place to judge... is my suffering so insignificant that i am unaware of their pain? maybe we deal with it differently... they choose to deal with it in the wrong way....
i am just broken hearted by their actions... i wish i could face them, question them... i guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise-- being that we all get lost at one point or another... and they are most certainly in my prayers... i just want to know why? why why why why???????!
on another note-- I'm now part of the 6:22 core. :) I hope and pray i can be pleasing to God in this role... and i have to go-- health homework awaits!
Stephen-- "when me, my dad, and my mom used to date...." HAHAHAH!
April-- "Zebediah! stop eating my socks! because you know... those monkeys eat socks...."
it breaks my heart! why would ANYONE freely choose to hurt the heart of God? then i came upon my own sinfulness... (i have deliberately hurt the heart of God too) and it's not my place to judge... is my suffering so insignificant that i am unaware of their pain? maybe we deal with it differently... they choose to deal with it in the wrong way....
i am just broken hearted by their actions... i wish i could face them, question them... i guess it shouldn't be much of a surprise-- being that we all get lost at one point or another... and they are most certainly in my prayers... i just want to know why? why why why why???????!
on another note-- I'm now part of the 6:22 core. :) I hope and pray i can be pleasing to God in this role... and i have to go-- health homework awaits!
Stephen-- "when me, my dad, and my mom used to date...." HAHAHAH!
April-- "Zebediah! stop eating my socks! because you know... those monkeys eat socks...."
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Hebrews 11
Hebrews 11 is GREAT. veryone ought to read it! it made me cry yesterday! :-D (the good type cry)
it reminded me not to fear and it gave me peace in abundance.... as well as faith ;)
it reminded me not to fear and it gave me peace in abundance.... as well as faith ;)
Friday, September 24, 2004
thorough explanation of me...
It's funny... I've been melancholy today... not in the sense of pitiful... but in the sense of-- melancholy... then i read my previous post and i made myself smile-- that's always good-- when you can make yourself smile... :-P
so yesterday i finished the C.A. project and i went to a football game with Beth and APril... gosh i hate football and most sports... i just wanted to hang out... hanging out is so awesome! :-D
i'm also excited about my photography class! we'll see how the projects turn out! :-D
on a more personal note.....
well yesterday i was sorta revealed some truths... not the most pleasant exactly... it's this whole idealized against real me type stuff.... i might have to confront situations... and i don't know how to handle them....
all i have to say is this---
no one is perfect except for God... i never expected perfection from anyone... i never wanted anyone to be perfect. I have expectations, it's true, but i don't want my expectations to blind me from the truth. there's this whole internal struggle of keep it going or kill it now... and i think the problem it's that fear of self and being exposed keeps us from being honest? truthful?
for myself-- i can say that i feel at unease because what i say might be misinterpreted very easily. it's also hard to explain some things... maybe they need not be explained right now? it's like this-- i feel like i can't explain how to multiply to someone who hasn't learned to add. and i have no rush for him to learn to add...
you may ask-- why keep it going for someone who doesn't know how to add and never might? well...
because i can see this person. they don't know how to add yet-- but i hope and have faith they have the capabilities. why? well-- explain this to me-- why would anyone think a kid who just learned to talk will ever become the next astronaut? maybe because they learned how to talk in an unusual early age... or maybe-- they learned at an older age but their sentence structure since the beginning was a lot more complex than the regular kid. maybe because the kid grew up in an environment were his development should have been stunt and yet this prodigious child can overcome that obstacle....
catch my train of thought?
ok.. so there's that "what if...?" (which i hate the what if's bc i don't believe in them... i think they're troublesome and instigators of unfounded fear and chaos....) but i will respond the answer
what if this kid who has the potential of becoming an astronaut chooses to merely become an auto mechanic?... well quite honestly-- he'll the best auto-mechanic in the world. :-P it sounds silly... but doesn't it sound right? i mean... i worry about him-- because being that he could be so benefitial to humanity being an astronaut he chooses a profession were he'll help less people does make me a bit sad. it makes me sad because i see the potential... because i see that person that God created him to be... BUT then again-- it's not my choice, and it never will be. i understand that. and why am i so optimistic, and why do i have my hopes so high, and why do i even bother having any hope at all?
well... because of this simple reason-- just like God creates children meant for bigger things-- He puts desires in their hearts. these children like books, they're smart and they like to learn. people don't see the advancement... some people even might think it's a regression-- but when the child is struggling with Calculus when his regular peers are struggling with simple multiplication... well.. it's not a regression at all-- is it? (i didn't think so)
so tell me--- what is your current struggle and compare it to your struggles in the past-- you'll see you're going forward! it might not seem like so but i believe it.
so yesterday i finished the C.A. project and i went to a football game with Beth and APril... gosh i hate football and most sports... i just wanted to hang out... hanging out is so awesome! :-D
i'm also excited about my photography class! we'll see how the projects turn out! :-D
on a more personal note.....
well yesterday i was sorta revealed some truths... not the most pleasant exactly... it's this whole idealized against real me type stuff.... i might have to confront situations... and i don't know how to handle them....
all i have to say is this---
no one is perfect except for God... i never expected perfection from anyone... i never wanted anyone to be perfect. I have expectations, it's true, but i don't want my expectations to blind me from the truth. there's this whole internal struggle of keep it going or kill it now... and i think the problem it's that fear of self and being exposed keeps us from being honest? truthful?
for myself-- i can say that i feel at unease because what i say might be misinterpreted very easily. it's also hard to explain some things... maybe they need not be explained right now? it's like this-- i feel like i can't explain how to multiply to someone who hasn't learned to add. and i have no rush for him to learn to add...
you may ask-- why keep it going for someone who doesn't know how to add and never might? well...
because i can see this person. they don't know how to add yet-- but i hope and have faith they have the capabilities. why? well-- explain this to me-- why would anyone think a kid who just learned to talk will ever become the next astronaut? maybe because they learned how to talk in an unusual early age... or maybe-- they learned at an older age but their sentence structure since the beginning was a lot more complex than the regular kid. maybe because the kid grew up in an environment were his development should have been stunt and yet this prodigious child can overcome that obstacle....
catch my train of thought?
ok.. so there's that "what if...?" (which i hate the what if's bc i don't believe in them... i think they're troublesome and instigators of unfounded fear and chaos....) but i will respond the answer
what if this kid who has the potential of becoming an astronaut chooses to merely become an auto mechanic?... well quite honestly-- he'll the best auto-mechanic in the world. :-P it sounds silly... but doesn't it sound right? i mean... i worry about him-- because being that he could be so benefitial to humanity being an astronaut he chooses a profession were he'll help less people does make me a bit sad. it makes me sad because i see the potential... because i see that person that God created him to be... BUT then again-- it's not my choice, and it never will be. i understand that. and why am i so optimistic, and why do i have my hopes so high, and why do i even bother having any hope at all?
well... because of this simple reason-- just like God creates children meant for bigger things-- He puts desires in their hearts. these children like books, they're smart and they like to learn. people don't see the advancement... some people even might think it's a regression-- but when the child is struggling with Calculus when his regular peers are struggling with simple multiplication... well.. it's not a regression at all-- is it? (i didn't think so)
so tell me--- what is your current struggle and compare it to your struggles in the past-- you'll see you're going forward! it might not seem like so but i believe it.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
surrender
so here i am.. writing!
ok.. well my prayer for today were
Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
and daniel 3:39-42
But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received;
As though it were holocausts of rams and bullocks, or thousands of fat lambs, So let our sacrifice be in your presence today as we follow you unreservedly; for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.
I think i understood the definition of being afraid of God. I never really understood that... fear of God... God is kind and merciful and tender...
well.. in this excerpt from daniel-- some guys are thrown into a blazing fire... and they repent and they start exalting God and praying for themselves... and i tihnk what scared them more than burning was being away from God... in my version in Spanish-- it says "we fear you and we seek your face".....
so what's that they fear? they fear not being able to see the face of God... more than being burned....
so today-- i have my own little personal struggle... a blindness of not knowing where i'm going... and that's not my main fear-- my main fear is losing sight of the face of God...
what would my life be, where would i go, who would I be without God? and it scares me. I would have no hope, no faith, no trust.... i would hate humanity..... i would have no reason... i would be a completly different person-- selfish. hateful. vengeful. i'd be rotten inside....
so what do i do? i pray.... i have prayed not to fall into temptation... i can't lose sight of my God... my path... i can burn in the fire, just not be unfaithful to God.... that's my fear of God-- losing Him... for my own self... worthless and pathetic...
i know it sounds sad or worrisome-- but truly... it gives me peace. In this story-- the 3 kids in the fire are not burnt, but God's own coolness keeps them from burning....
why are we so afraid to surrender? the fall seems so deep... so hard... yet... God always catches us.... He always always always does! He allows us to fly and He lets us be who we really truly were created to be..... what is there to be scared of?
as for me-- well... i'm scared he won't do what He promised. Then i see... and i realize He's never let me down, no need to start doubting Him today. so i'm surrendering..........
ok.. well my prayer for today were
Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
and daniel 3:39-42
But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received;
As though it were holocausts of rams and bullocks, or thousands of fat lambs, So let our sacrifice be in your presence today as we follow you unreservedly; for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.
I think i understood the definition of being afraid of God. I never really understood that... fear of God... God is kind and merciful and tender...
well.. in this excerpt from daniel-- some guys are thrown into a blazing fire... and they repent and they start exalting God and praying for themselves... and i tihnk what scared them more than burning was being away from God... in my version in Spanish-- it says "we fear you and we seek your face".....
so what's that they fear? they fear not being able to see the face of God... more than being burned....
so today-- i have my own little personal struggle... a blindness of not knowing where i'm going... and that's not my main fear-- my main fear is losing sight of the face of God...
what would my life be, where would i go, who would I be without God? and it scares me. I would have no hope, no faith, no trust.... i would hate humanity..... i would have no reason... i would be a completly different person-- selfish. hateful. vengeful. i'd be rotten inside....
so what do i do? i pray.... i have prayed not to fall into temptation... i can't lose sight of my God... my path... i can burn in the fire, just not be unfaithful to God.... that's my fear of God-- losing Him... for my own self... worthless and pathetic...
i know it sounds sad or worrisome-- but truly... it gives me peace. In this story-- the 3 kids in the fire are not burnt, but God's own coolness keeps them from burning....
why are we so afraid to surrender? the fall seems so deep... so hard... yet... God always catches us.... He always always always does! He allows us to fly and He lets us be who we really truly were created to be..... what is there to be scared of?
as for me-- well... i'm scared he won't do what He promised. Then i see... and i realize He's never let me down, no need to start doubting Him today. so i'm surrendering..........
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Poem
march came in cold
it stinged my heart
it made small incisions
and my smile faded
the sunlit sky
was a mere shadow of my gloom
a cold cloudy day within
and i wanted to cry...
i missed you
and all i wanted
were a couple of words
a sign of sympathy
of your accomplice mind
i missed you
i don't need you
i never will
i don't belong here....
but life
spins
turns
shines
a bit more now
my 3 PM
kind words
a giving heart
and now what?
(i pushed the question)
now wait...
now enjoy...
time purifies
it filters
truth from wishes
truth from youth
truth from want
a little wiser
a little older
a little slower
i shall focus
on the vision-Giver
instead of the vision
and oh the creativeness of my God!
i can't fathom where i'm going
but i'll enjoy this ride
on a crisp sunny autumn
i'll be purified
through that same fire
fall leaves reflect in light
and winter?
it may come soon
or it may come late
i'm prepared under the warm wings
that give me flight.....
it stinged my heart
it made small incisions
and my smile faded
the sunlit sky
was a mere shadow of my gloom
a cold cloudy day within
and i wanted to cry...
i missed you
and all i wanted
were a couple of words
a sign of sympathy
of your accomplice mind
i missed you
i don't need you
i never will
i don't belong here....
but life
spins
turns
shines
a bit more now
my 3 PM
kind words
a giving heart
and now what?
(i pushed the question)
now wait...
now enjoy...
time purifies
it filters
truth from wishes
truth from youth
truth from want
a little wiser
a little older
a little slower
i shall focus
on the vision-Giver
instead of the vision
and oh the creativeness of my God!
i can't fathom where i'm going
but i'll enjoy this ride
on a crisp sunny autumn
i'll be purified
through that same fire
fall leaves reflect in light
and winter?
it may come soon
or it may come late
i'm prepared under the warm wings
that give me flight.....
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Indescribable
:-D Chris Tomlin concert rocked! 6:22 rocked! I imagine and hope that youth group will rock today! :-D
yes my family is in a bad mood...
but yesterday rocked! Chris Tomlin's concert! woooot! God was the Famous One-- we all yelled out for Him.. it was so beautiful. we united in belief and faith instead of segregating due to denomination or anything else. we all joined hands, we danced, we sang, we jumped. it was awesome. seeing a full town commons behave at it's best, being completely silent, being completely loud, in other words-- being one in the spirit-- THAT is freakin' awesome! i would love to hear what God did in the lives of people... for me-- well... He made me smile, He made me smile big (as He usually does)... He totally humbled me! i felt my sinfulness and the greatness of His mercy. I always feel like words are so minimal so inappropriate to praise Him... no words, no pictures, nothing can describe Him... it's something within the Spirit-- uncontainable and undescribable, like the song said. uncomparable... limitless... (and i stand in awe of You! so i'll let my words be few-- Jesus I am so in love with You!)
and no words are sweeter, no voice sounds more beautiful than the one that says Jesus with his or her heart. one word, one name-- it's a whole prayer in itself. given that anything said heartfelt is beautiful-- the name of Jesus-- it has no comparison... no other name, word, or idea will EVER sound as sweet or beautiful or intimate or comforting. no word ever!
and i stand in awe of You!!!!!!!!
yes my family is in a bad mood...
but yesterday rocked! Chris Tomlin's concert! woooot! God was the Famous One-- we all yelled out for Him.. it was so beautiful. we united in belief and faith instead of segregating due to denomination or anything else. we all joined hands, we danced, we sang, we jumped. it was awesome. seeing a full town commons behave at it's best, being completely silent, being completely loud, in other words-- being one in the spirit-- THAT is freakin' awesome! i would love to hear what God did in the lives of people... for me-- well... He made me smile, He made me smile big (as He usually does)... He totally humbled me! i felt my sinfulness and the greatness of His mercy. I always feel like words are so minimal so inappropriate to praise Him... no words, no pictures, nothing can describe Him... it's something within the Spirit-- uncontainable and undescribable, like the song said. uncomparable... limitless... (and i stand in awe of You! so i'll let my words be few-- Jesus I am so in love with You!)
and no words are sweeter, no voice sounds more beautiful than the one that says Jesus with his or her heart. one word, one name-- it's a whole prayer in itself. given that anything said heartfelt is beautiful-- the name of Jesus-- it has no comparison... no other name, word, or idea will EVER sound as sweet or beautiful or intimate or comforting. no word ever!
and i stand in awe of You!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Jeremiah 31:31-34
The days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah.
It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers the day I took them by the hand to lead them forth from the land of Egypt; for they broke my covenant and I had to show myself their master, says the LORD.
But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD. I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
No longer will they have need to teach their friends and kinsmen how to know the LORD. All, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the LORD, for I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more.
It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers the day I took them by the hand to lead them forth from the land of Egypt; for they broke my covenant and I had to show myself their master, says the LORD.
But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD. I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
No longer will they have need to teach their friends and kinsmen how to know the LORD. All, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the LORD, for I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more.
mid week
today is mid week. wednesday... peak of the week....
i had art history... i never listen-- i talk with April the whole class, bc my teacher takes all the personal meaning behind art and kills it... well maybe not her, but the system.
then i had C.A. (survey to Commercial (or Communications) Arts aka Graphic Design...) and it went way better than i expected... apparently my designs are not as bad as i thought...
then i had a lovely conversation with Stephen about diamond rings and the such... lol....
and then i left to buy some Mexican bakery to Ayden with my uncle....
so now-- i gotta take a shower and study some Math for the quiz tomorrow... i also have to re-think of the designs i'm doing... i had some great help frmo an upper classman who very kindly pointed new ways of improving. I really do love positive criticism... i know people hate it, but i love it. I love seeing things through someone else's eyes! :)
oh and francaise bien sur! je besoin etudier francaise si je veux aller a la france l'anne prochaine. (i need to study French if I want to go to France next year). ok.. well now to my duties!
i had art history... i never listen-- i talk with April the whole class, bc my teacher takes all the personal meaning behind art and kills it... well maybe not her, but the system.
then i had C.A. (survey to Commercial (or Communications) Arts aka Graphic Design...) and it went way better than i expected... apparently my designs are not as bad as i thought...
then i had a lovely conversation with Stephen about diamond rings and the such... lol....
and then i left to buy some Mexican bakery to Ayden with my uncle....
so now-- i gotta take a shower and study some Math for the quiz tomorrow... i also have to re-think of the designs i'm doing... i had some great help frmo an upper classman who very kindly pointed new ways of improving. I really do love positive criticism... i know people hate it, but i love it. I love seeing things through someone else's eyes! :)
oh and francaise bien sur! je besoin etudier francaise si je veux aller a la france l'anne prochaine. (i need to study French if I want to go to France next year). ok.. well now to my duties!
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
ahhhhhhhhh it's good
tee hee-- I got to see Beauty and the Beast yesterday. We had some little girls as visitors, and so they picked my favorite movie to watch, so I decided to watch it along...
i realized that when i was little i used to see this movie in a different way-- i always thought of Belle as beautiful in mind and spirit and physical beauty-- and I always thought ah how nice! Prince Charming, she gets married, lives ahppily ever after. :) yay!
now i look at it, and i analyze... i say-- what? she's smart, and instead of studying she's reading some children's fairy tale... (i mean granted that i prolly would too, shouldn't this gal who wants "more than a provincial life" be reading something more along the lines of PLato, or at least Shakeaspeare?)
then i watched the whole movie... and i realized... hey wait a bit. this movie DOES a good job of portraying real love.... the beast is willing to sacrifice himself completely for beauty... she defends his honor and she looks past his physical "hideousness" (though personally i think the beast is way more charming than stupid prince)....
so i smiled... Beauty and the Beast, it still makes me happy. :) after 10 years, overanalyzing, several inches taller, several pounds heavier, eyebrows plucked, best friends lost, different country, different lifestyle, different way of communication... after all of that-- i'm still the little girl....
oh by the way-- Tautology.... that's what God is..... :-D
i realized that when i was little i used to see this movie in a different way-- i always thought of Belle as beautiful in mind and spirit and physical beauty-- and I always thought ah how nice! Prince Charming, she gets married, lives ahppily ever after. :) yay!
now i look at it, and i analyze... i say-- what? she's smart, and instead of studying she's reading some children's fairy tale... (i mean granted that i prolly would too, shouldn't this gal who wants "more than a provincial life" be reading something more along the lines of PLato, or at least Shakeaspeare?)
then i watched the whole movie... and i realized... hey wait a bit. this movie DOES a good job of portraying real love.... the beast is willing to sacrifice himself completely for beauty... she defends his honor and she looks past his physical "hideousness" (though personally i think the beast is way more charming than stupid prince)....
so i smiled... Beauty and the Beast, it still makes me happy. :) after 10 years, overanalyzing, several inches taller, several pounds heavier, eyebrows plucked, best friends lost, different country, different lifestyle, different way of communication... after all of that-- i'm still the little girl....
oh by the way-- Tautology.... that's what God is..... :-D
Sunday, September 12, 2004
friday, saturday, Sunday!
ok... here comes a condensed version of my past 2 days and a half--
FRIDAY
woke up, finished sketches, went to school. took a picture in a pin hole camera. came home, had lunch, got online, got offline, went to take a nap. went to 6:22. IT ROCKED! i had 2 songs in my heart--- "carried away" and "job 38" well... who would've guesed? they played both. it was really awesome seeing that both songs were actually scheduled to be played-- it was like God knows in advance, and He has this overview of time.... I imagine He knows time backwards and forwards and he can "play" around with it....
SATURDAY
gray day again... being that it was 9/11 and i have emotional trauma about that... well i'm being very unfair. i didn't see people falling from the twin towers. i wasn't in a deep fear of my brother dying, or disappearing... however, i had to hear some horror stories about it. i bet God cried that day, as He cried for the children being killed by merciless adults who think their ideals of freedom have anything to do with killing innocent children, whose only fault was going to school and learning their ABC's that day....
i went to see Shrek 2 with my brother, uncle, and a couple of other people.... someone told me once that worrying and feeling sorry for the victims is of no use, sometimes the best thing to do is keep enjoying life, and just stay out of trouble. " if i could tell the world just one thing it would be-- we're all ok. and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like this...." (hands, by jewel).... so saturday, i received a couple of words of peace, they told me God has it in His hands... not to worry 'cause worry it's wasteful and useless in times like these.... and so i went to sleep in peace, for I knew God was handling everything....
SUNDAY
the new day! the sun woke me up.. i always feel that the sun is God's pretty illuminous object... symbol... and it was saying good morning! it's a new day! you're new! and it was welcoming and warm. so I said hello, and smiled and knew in my heart it was going to be a fine day....
FRIDAY
woke up, finished sketches, went to school. took a picture in a pin hole camera. came home, had lunch, got online, got offline, went to take a nap. went to 6:22. IT ROCKED! i had 2 songs in my heart--- "carried away" and "job 38" well... who would've guesed? they played both. it was really awesome seeing that both songs were actually scheduled to be played-- it was like God knows in advance, and He has this overview of time.... I imagine He knows time backwards and forwards and he can "play" around with it....
SATURDAY
gray day again... being that it was 9/11 and i have emotional trauma about that... well i'm being very unfair. i didn't see people falling from the twin towers. i wasn't in a deep fear of my brother dying, or disappearing... however, i had to hear some horror stories about it. i bet God cried that day, as He cried for the children being killed by merciless adults who think their ideals of freedom have anything to do with killing innocent children, whose only fault was going to school and learning their ABC's that day....
i went to see Shrek 2 with my brother, uncle, and a couple of other people.... someone told me once that worrying and feeling sorry for the victims is of no use, sometimes the best thing to do is keep enjoying life, and just stay out of trouble. " if i could tell the world just one thing it would be-- we're all ok. and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like this...." (hands, by jewel).... so saturday, i received a couple of words of peace, they told me God has it in His hands... not to worry 'cause worry it's wasteful and useless in times like these.... and so i went to sleep in peace, for I knew God was handling everything....
SUNDAY
the new day! the sun woke me up.. i always feel that the sun is God's pretty illuminous object... symbol... and it was saying good morning! it's a new day! you're new! and it was welcoming and warm. so I said hello, and smiled and knew in my heart it was going to be a fine day....
Friday, September 10, 2004
ok friday
Psalm 24:4-6
"The clean of hand and pure of heart, who are not devoted to idols, who have not sworn falsely. They will receive blessings from the LORD, and justice from their saving God. Such are the people that love the LORD, that seek the face of the God of Jacob." Selah
I'm a bit moved at how God sees our actions and honors them. You know, i always keep thinking of Pinocchio (Roberto Benini version). You see, Pinnochio was not a bad person per say, he was just would lose focus, and he'd do what pleased him at the moment. I feel like Pinochio ALL the time, i mess up, i get hurt.
yet God, He looks at me, and I'm his precious child.... He looks at my hurt, and His heart moves with compassion and love... and He just takes me in.... so I smile at Him, I can't believe this kind of love would EVER exist, but it does... and my heart is filled with gratefulness.... through His forgiveness, comes my clean hands, not through my own doing....
well maybe through some of my own doing, but it's more of His grace.... the way He looks at me, it makes my actions seem way better than they truly are... and that's lovely...
yeah... so I figured my child's name can be Ana Sofia, but we'll see, being that it used to be Ana Carmen... I change my mind about this way too often! :-P (like imma have a child anytime soon! LOL!)
as for my day-- i took a picture in my pinhole camera. I'm excited to see how it turns out! I think it's gonne be pretty plain, but hey, it's my first picture!
now on to 6:22 to praise and worship a Heavenly Father who deserves so much more than I can give, yet still patiently waits for me! :)
"The clean of hand and pure of heart, who are not devoted to idols, who have not sworn falsely. They will receive blessings from the LORD, and justice from their saving God. Such are the people that love the LORD, that seek the face of the God of Jacob." Selah
I'm a bit moved at how God sees our actions and honors them. You know, i always keep thinking of Pinocchio (Roberto Benini version). You see, Pinnochio was not a bad person per say, he was just would lose focus, and he'd do what pleased him at the moment. I feel like Pinochio ALL the time, i mess up, i get hurt.
yet God, He looks at me, and I'm his precious child.... He looks at my hurt, and His heart moves with compassion and love... and He just takes me in.... so I smile at Him, I can't believe this kind of love would EVER exist, but it does... and my heart is filled with gratefulness.... through His forgiveness, comes my clean hands, not through my own doing....
well maybe through some of my own doing, but it's more of His grace.... the way He looks at me, it makes my actions seem way better than they truly are... and that's lovely...
yeah... so I figured my child's name can be Ana Sofia, but we'll see, being that it used to be Ana Carmen... I change my mind about this way too often! :-P (like imma have a child anytime soon! LOL!)
as for my day-- i took a picture in my pinhole camera. I'm excited to see how it turns out! I think it's gonne be pretty plain, but hey, it's my first picture!
now on to 6:22 to praise and worship a Heavenly Father who deserves so much more than I can give, yet still patiently waits for me! :)
ok friday
Psalm 24:4-6
"The clean of hand and pure of heart, who are not devoted to idols, who have not sworn falsely. They will receive blessings from the LORD, and justice from their saving God. Such are the people that love the LORD, that seek the face of the God of Jacob." Selah
I'm a bit moved at how God sees our actions and honors them. You know, i always keep thinking of Pinocchio (Roberto Benini version). You see, Pinnochio was not a bad person per say, he was just would lose focus, and he'd do what pleased him at the moment. I feel like Pinochio ALL the time, i mess up, i get hurt.
yet God, He looks at me, and I'm his precious child.... He looks at my hurt, and His heart moves with compassion and love... and He just takes me in.... so I smile at Him, I can't believe this kind of love would EVER exist, but it does... and my heart is filled with gratefulness.... through His forgiveness, comes my clean hands, not through my own doing....
well maybe through some of my own doing, but it's more of His grace.... the way He looks at me, it makes my actions seem way better than they truly are... and that's lovely...
yeah... so I figured my child's name can be Ana Sofia, but we'll see, being that it used to be Ana Carmen... I change my mind about this way too often! :-P (like imma have a child anytime soon! LOL!)
as for my day-- i took a picture in my pinhole camera. I'm excited to see how it turns out! I think it's gonne be pretty plain, but hey, it's my first picture!
now on to 6:22 to praise and worship a Heavenly Father who deserves so much more than I can give, yet still patiently waits for me and my sinful nature! :)
"The clean of hand and pure of heart, who are not devoted to idols, who have not sworn falsely. They will receive blessings from the LORD, and justice from their saving God. Such are the people that love the LORD, that seek the face of the God of Jacob." Selah
I'm a bit moved at how God sees our actions and honors them. You know, i always keep thinking of Pinocchio (Roberto Benini version). You see, Pinnochio was not a bad person per say, he was just would lose focus, and he'd do what pleased him at the moment. I feel like Pinochio ALL the time, i mess up, i get hurt.
yet God, He looks at me, and I'm his precious child.... He looks at my hurt, and His heart moves with compassion and love... and He just takes me in.... so I smile at Him, I can't believe this kind of love would EVER exist, but it does... and my heart is filled with gratefulness.... through His forgiveness, comes my clean hands, not through my own doing....
well maybe through some of my own doing, but it's more of His grace.... the way He looks at me, it makes my actions seem way better than they truly are... and that's lovely...
yeah... so I figured my child's name can be Ana Sofia, but we'll see, being that it used to be Ana Carmen... I change my mind about this way too often! :-P (like imma have a child anytime soon! LOL!)
as for my day-- i took a picture in my pinhole camera. I'm excited to see how it turns out! I think it's gonne be pretty plain, but hey, it's my first picture!
now on to 6:22 to praise and worship a Heavenly Father who deserves so much more than I can give, yet still patiently waits for me and my sinful nature! :)
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
slaves to righteousness
Romans 6:15-23
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? Of course not!
16
Do you not know that if you present yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?
17
But thanks be to God that, although you were once slaves of sin, you have become obedient from the heart to the pattern of teaching to which you were entrusted.
18
Freed from sin, you have become slaves of righteousness.
19
I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your nature. For just as you presented the parts of your bodies as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness for lawless ness, so now present them as slaves to righteousness for sanctification.
20
For when you were slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.
21
But what profit did you get then from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
22
But now that you have been freed from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit that you have leads to sanctification, and its end is eternal life.
23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
slave?! wait a bit... i'm no slave! I want to be free! fly like a bird! you know, be happy, so i can do what i want, when i want, how i want.
however, there's a problem with that. everytime i've said, no i'm gonna do this, because this is what I want, it just happens to be that i end up hurting myself. and i realize, how stupid! Not only did i hurt myself, and God had warned me about it.... most of the time I end up hurting someone else and above all.... I hurt God. It might be in the little things-- like losing temper with my family, or saying something unkind (which it happens to be a bit more often than it should be).... and I hurt people, and I hurt God, the good God who holds me in my bad times and the same One who pours out blessings and good things. and i never mean to hurt God or others, I just do it out of selfish desires.... or to let frustration out... things of the sort.
but there is an alternate route-- becoming a "slave of God".... it sounds so harsh, but think about it. we're all "slaves" to something-- ("there's just 2 ways to lose yourself in this life... and neither way is safe..." Switchfoot, economy of mercy)... we're all attached to some idea or someone or something. we ALL are. when we submit ourselves to god and His will, we submit to BECOMING HOLY AND GAINING ETERNAL LIFE. we're ALL called to holiness.... every one of us. we have a choice to make, surrender, or carrying an unbearable weight on our back. when we choose to carry it ourselves, it's impossible. we can't do it. so we ask Christ, the ultimate "slave of God" to help us... through His slavery, we become new, and we also become slaves. through that slavery, we are free.... free of worries. we are called to grow "vertically" and thus, we come closer to Heaven. and what is Heaven? Heaven is having God as our eternal friend. when we submit, we prove we love Him. if we fail, we repent, and He will forever make our repentance valid through Christ's blood. so our worries? they all become a little speck of dust... a grain of sand in an infinite universe.... our sins are drowned in the blood of Christ, which covers the infinite universe.
why am I saying this? because i'm human. i sin. i do have worries, but i know my worries, they're absolutely nothing. i trust because God is faithful. whatever He says becomes LAW, and His promise is never to leave me. His promise is not for me not to struggle, but He promises eternal so life, so all my worries and fears, they're 1/100000 second worth. they're a blink of the eye. that kind of mindset saves you a lot of worrying, it saves you a lot of thinking. and it cause you to grow vertically, it really really does. you start thinking abour (phil. 4:8) things that please God.
ok now back to doing my homework!
What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? Of course not!
16
Do you not know that if you present yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?
17
But thanks be to God that, although you were once slaves of sin, you have become obedient from the heart to the pattern of teaching to which you were entrusted.
18
Freed from sin, you have become slaves of righteousness.
19
I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your nature. For just as you presented the parts of your bodies as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness for lawless ness, so now present them as slaves to righteousness for sanctification.
20
For when you were slaves of sin, you were free from righteousness.
21
But what profit did you get then from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death.
22
But now that you have been freed from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit that you have leads to sanctification, and its end is eternal life.
23
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
slave?! wait a bit... i'm no slave! I want to be free! fly like a bird! you know, be happy, so i can do what i want, when i want, how i want.
however, there's a problem with that. everytime i've said, no i'm gonna do this, because this is what I want, it just happens to be that i end up hurting myself. and i realize, how stupid! Not only did i hurt myself, and God had warned me about it.... most of the time I end up hurting someone else and above all.... I hurt God. It might be in the little things-- like losing temper with my family, or saying something unkind (which it happens to be a bit more often than it should be).... and I hurt people, and I hurt God, the good God who holds me in my bad times and the same One who pours out blessings and good things. and i never mean to hurt God or others, I just do it out of selfish desires.... or to let frustration out... things of the sort.
but there is an alternate route-- becoming a "slave of God".... it sounds so harsh, but think about it. we're all "slaves" to something-- ("there's just 2 ways to lose yourself in this life... and neither way is safe..." Switchfoot, economy of mercy)... we're all attached to some idea or someone or something. we ALL are. when we submit ourselves to god and His will, we submit to BECOMING HOLY AND GAINING ETERNAL LIFE. we're ALL called to holiness.... every one of us. we have a choice to make, surrender, or carrying an unbearable weight on our back. when we choose to carry it ourselves, it's impossible. we can't do it. so we ask Christ, the ultimate "slave of God" to help us... through His slavery, we become new, and we also become slaves. through that slavery, we are free.... free of worries. we are called to grow "vertically" and thus, we come closer to Heaven. and what is Heaven? Heaven is having God as our eternal friend. when we submit, we prove we love Him. if we fail, we repent, and He will forever make our repentance valid through Christ's blood. so our worries? they all become a little speck of dust... a grain of sand in an infinite universe.... our sins are drowned in the blood of Christ, which covers the infinite universe.
why am I saying this? because i'm human. i sin. i do have worries, but i know my worries, they're absolutely nothing. i trust because God is faithful. whatever He says becomes LAW, and His promise is never to leave me. His promise is not for me not to struggle, but He promises eternal so life, so all my worries and fears, they're 1/100000 second worth. they're a blink of the eye. that kind of mindset saves you a lot of worrying, it saves you a lot of thinking. and it cause you to grow vertically, it really really does. you start thinking abour (phil. 4:8) things that please God.
ok now back to doing my homework!
Monday, September 06, 2004
pain passes beauty remains
Sunday at Church Father Pat said an awesome homily-- he said Renoir and Matisse were good friends. and young Matisse would go visit Renoir everyday at his house. Renoir had arthritis, and he had a difficult time painting because of the pain. and when the pain was most intense, he couldn't even hold the brush, so he ouwl make his wife attach (the paintbrush) to his hand. when Matisse asked why he would not stop due the pain, Renoir answered
"becase pain passes, but beauty remains..."
i think it's such a deep statement. yesterday i was questioned about god and eternity. and i have my own internal struggle right now, and i tihnk renoir's words hold so much truth-- beauty remains, the pain passes.
I had asked God, hey, can you please encourage me a little? i feel a bit low. and i opened a book by mother teresa in a random page. it was a passage about sick people. it said, you can offer up your pain and that pain becomes a prayer. then it was like Mother Teresa spoke to me, and she said, "i thank God for you and your prayers. don't give up"..... yeah... God blows my mind away like that ALL the time!
then of course, i get here, and i have a sweet message by a Portugese woman saying she was reminded of Church. I thought, what a beautiful way for God to send encouragement. He shows how much He cares about a woman in the other side of the world through "coincidence" when He meant for everything to happen like this.
sure, i feel a bit low, i can't see where God is going, but i know where He takes me will be wonderful. pain is so very ephimeral, yet God listens to pain and creates something beautiful out of it. and beauty remains while pain passes.
i hope i was a little encouraging too.
"becase pain passes, but beauty remains..."
i think it's such a deep statement. yesterday i was questioned about god and eternity. and i have my own internal struggle right now, and i tihnk renoir's words hold so much truth-- beauty remains, the pain passes.
I had asked God, hey, can you please encourage me a little? i feel a bit low. and i opened a book by mother teresa in a random page. it was a passage about sick people. it said, you can offer up your pain and that pain becomes a prayer. then it was like Mother Teresa spoke to me, and she said, "i thank God for you and your prayers. don't give up"..... yeah... God blows my mind away like that ALL the time!
then of course, i get here, and i have a sweet message by a Portugese woman saying she was reminded of Church. I thought, what a beautiful way for God to send encouragement. He shows how much He cares about a woman in the other side of the world through "coincidence" when He meant for everything to happen like this.
sure, i feel a bit low, i can't see where God is going, but i know where He takes me will be wonderful. pain is so very ephimeral, yet God listens to pain and creates something beautiful out of it. and beauty remains while pain passes.
i hope i was a little encouraging too.
Friday, September 03, 2004
praise for the change of heart!
and you start to see
so you fall over the edge
and peace covers your temple
God as your wings
you thought you'd fall
you thought you'd hurt yourself
you allowed fears to blind you
but God ran after you
His heart has a passion for yours
and followed you
to the edge of things
gently,
He carried you
to take a step
9:19 today
you give yourself
surrender
leap in faith
God's hands will hold your flight...
so you fall over the edge
and peace covers your temple
God as your wings
you thought you'd fall
you thought you'd hurt yourself
you allowed fears to blind you
but God ran after you
His heart has a passion for yours
and followed you
to the edge of things
gently,
He carried you
to take a step
9:19 today
you give yourself
surrender
leap in faith
God's hands will hold your flight...
Hopeful
I'm thrilled about Worshipfest.... I know God has some awesome plans... :) I'm being attacked through some situations (namely my dad's situation), but I know God is in control and whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger. Like I said, I wish I could explain somethings to my mom, but all I can do is for God to relief her stress and grant her peace that surpasses human understanding (Phil. 4:6-7).
I am blessed with support from friends... I am blessed with school. I love school. And most importantly, I believe I am in the hands of God. I know He's taking care of everything and everything has a purpose. He's awesome! I praise His Holy Name for all the good things He's doing and will continue to do.
:) He has great plans for Worshipfest and that blesses my heart!
You know what's the coolest thing ever? watching God work. They told me once-- keep a prayer journal to see how God answers prayers. i think it's really nifty. Little things that you though pretty unimportant, through obedience to God become pivotal. they become essential. then you see how God works out things.... everything. He does so in a creative and mysterious way. It's kinda like... hmmmm... that's an interesting solution, I don't think I would've thought of that... (then again, I'm not God! :-P ) and it blows your mind away. I say this from experience and seeing one of my best friends get "on fire" for God. after you see His face, verything changes for the best. You start seeing life in a different way (turn your eyes upon Jesus, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace).....
faith and hope and love. keep them always close by. God will never let you down... it's all a matter of time, but His divine and inifinite wisdom and justice will NEVER be defeated!
alleluia, alleluia. amen.
I am blessed with support from friends... I am blessed with school. I love school. And most importantly, I believe I am in the hands of God. I know He's taking care of everything and everything has a purpose. He's awesome! I praise His Holy Name for all the good things He's doing and will continue to do.
:) He has great plans for Worshipfest and that blesses my heart!
You know what's the coolest thing ever? watching God work. They told me once-- keep a prayer journal to see how God answers prayers. i think it's really nifty. Little things that you though pretty unimportant, through obedience to God become pivotal. they become essential. then you see how God works out things.... everything. He does so in a creative and mysterious way. It's kinda like... hmmmm... that's an interesting solution, I don't think I would've thought of that... (then again, I'm not God! :-P ) and it blows your mind away. I say this from experience and seeing one of my best friends get "on fire" for God. after you see His face, verything changes for the best. You start seeing life in a different way (turn your eyes upon Jesus, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace).....
faith and hope and love. keep them always close by. God will never let you down... it's all a matter of time, but His divine and inifinite wisdom and justice will NEVER be defeated!
alleluia, alleluia. amen.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
eek
well... i finally found out why my mom was in a bad/worried/tense mood.... apparently, my dad's contract ended... so yeah...
i have faith God will provide... i know whatever struggles He'll take care of. I just wish I could know how everything turned out so I could calm some tensions....
i need a hug...
i have faith God will provide... i know whatever struggles He'll take care of. I just wish I could know how everything turned out so I could calm some tensions....
i need a hug...
en silencio pensare tan solo en ti...
well... yesterday i meant to write but never got around to it. yesterday was fantastic... i had a conversation with someone on tuesday that allowed me to see something... it was very... touching? I don't know. It was just good. The best i can compare it to is how Edward Bloom says "she likes daffodils!" in Big Fish. I quoted someone all day... :) (yesterday)
as for today... it has been pretty good... despite the fact my mom was mad at me for being a bit late in the morning, and making my pinhole camera the wrong way for Photography. I don't know... it's a beautiful day... i still feel like the luckiest girl in the world... :-D i even wrote a poem in french...
je veux
tes yeux bleus
je te veux
mais maintentant
je seulement t'ecouterai
t'aimerai
en silence....
well it was something like that.... then i remembered the lyrics to a song in Spanish by la oreja de van gogh (that's where the title came from)---
me callo porque es mas comodo enganarme...
me callo porque ha ganado la razon al corazon
pero pase lo que pase
aunque otro me acompane,
en silencio pensare tan solo en ti....
(i am silent because it's easier to fool myself
i am silent because reason won over the heart
but whatever happens
even if someone else is by my side
in silence i'll only think about you)
it sounds awful sad, but it's pretty happy... despite the title of the song (desire for impossible things)... it's a pretty funny song... it says things like...
igual que el mosquito mas tonto de la manada
yo sigo tu luz aunque me lleve a morir...
igual que una flor resignada a decorar un despacho elegante...
igual que un poeta que decide trabajar en un banco....
(just like the dumbest mosquito in the bunch
i follow your light even if it leads to my death....
just like a flower conformed to decorate an elegant office....
just like a poet who decided to work in a bank....)
yeah... weird song... but it's pretty upbeat and girly... :-P i feel pretty! oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and nice! :) have an awesome day followers of my journal! ;)
as for today... it has been pretty good... despite the fact my mom was mad at me for being a bit late in the morning, and making my pinhole camera the wrong way for Photography. I don't know... it's a beautiful day... i still feel like the luckiest girl in the world... :-D i even wrote a poem in french...
je veux
tes yeux bleus
je te veux
mais maintentant
je seulement t'ecouterai
t'aimerai
en silence....
well it was something like that.... then i remembered the lyrics to a song in Spanish by la oreja de van gogh (that's where the title came from)---
me callo porque es mas comodo enganarme...
me callo porque ha ganado la razon al corazon
pero pase lo que pase
aunque otro me acompane,
en silencio pensare tan solo en ti....
(i am silent because it's easier to fool myself
i am silent because reason won over the heart
but whatever happens
even if someone else is by my side
in silence i'll only think about you)
it sounds awful sad, but it's pretty happy... despite the title of the song (desire for impossible things)... it's a pretty funny song... it says things like...
igual que el mosquito mas tonto de la manada
yo sigo tu luz aunque me lleve a morir...
igual que una flor resignada a decorar un despacho elegante...
igual que un poeta que decide trabajar en un banco....
(just like the dumbest mosquito in the bunch
i follow your light even if it leads to my death....
just like a flower conformed to decorate an elegant office....
just like a poet who decided to work in a bank....)
yeah... weird song... but it's pretty upbeat and girly... :-P i feel pretty! oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and nice! :) have an awesome day followers of my journal! ;)
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