surrender

so here i am.. writing!
ok.. well my prayer for today were
Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

and daniel 3:39-42
But with contrite heart and humble spirit let us be received;
As though it were holocausts of rams and bullocks, or thousands of fat lambs, So let our sacrifice be in your presence today as we follow you unreservedly; for those who trust in you cannot be put to shame.
And now we follow you with our whole heart, we fear you and we pray to you.
Do not let us be put to shame, but deal with us in your kindness and great mercy.

I think i understood the definition of being afraid of God. I never really understood that... fear of God... God is kind and merciful and tender...
well.. in this excerpt from daniel-- some guys are thrown into a blazing fire... and they repent and they start exalting God and praying for themselves... and i tihnk what scared them more than burning was being away from God... in my version in Spanish-- it says "we fear you and we seek your face".....

so what's that they fear? they fear not being able to see the face of God... more than being burned....

so today-- i have my own little personal struggle... a blindness of not knowing where i'm going... and that's not my main fear-- my main fear is losing sight of the face of God...

what would my life be, where would i go, who would I be without God? and it scares me. I would have no hope, no faith, no trust.... i would hate humanity..... i would have no reason... i would be a completly different person-- selfish. hateful. vengeful. i'd be rotten inside....
so what do i do? i pray.... i have prayed not to fall into temptation... i can't lose sight of my God... my path... i can burn in the fire, just not be unfaithful to God.... that's my fear of God-- losing Him... for my own self... worthless and pathetic...

i know it sounds sad or worrisome-- but truly... it gives me peace. In this story-- the 3 kids in the fire are not burnt, but God's own coolness keeps them from burning....


why are we so afraid to surrender? the fall seems so deep... so hard... yet... God always catches us.... He always always always does! He allows us to fly and He lets us be who we really truly were created to be..... what is there to be scared of?


as for me-- well... i'm scared he won't do what He promised. Then i see... and i realize He's never let me down, no need to start doubting Him today. so i'm surrendering..........