seeing through God

"i am blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
that His joy's gonna be my strenght...
and though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning!"

God leaves me awe struck at His beautiful creation....
*in awe*


sure, we're human, but can you see what God sees? can you see His light inside of us? can you see how meticulosly He created us? cna you see the love, kindness, and beautiful craftsmanship? He is the perfect artist, poet, biologist, scientist... humanitarian... He's jsut perfect. and sometimes, He'll reveal Himself through people, if you'll only be open to the way He sees things... :)

armored

do you hear the war drums?
do you feel the rhythmic beat
do you sense the passion
rise up
tingling in your spine?

do you feel your energy
discharge?
do you feel you army's
unity
shake the battlefield?

fully armored
our passionate cries
stir the enemy
but our army has ultimate power
our pride is not our own
but the One who sent us to battle

the battle
is not with weapons of hate or destruction
but with words of peace

the enemy lies and tries
to gain ground with empty promises
we pray for you
and the victory has been won
for us
by the Lamb who never lied....



anyhow. sucky poem i know, but i missed writing poetry.... though i suck at it hehehhe. it's not for your reading pleasure but my own therapy. (since art is my life, writing is my therapy... lol)

ok... so yesterday's 6:22 was very encouraging. i was a personal witness to a great outpour... and i would like to tell you about that...

ok... so wednesday night i went to the Mission and during adoration i had this vision of water pouring into my church from the steeple (a faucet from Heaven if you will) and i saw around me, and people were kneeled, deep in prayer, and water was rising but they kept praying, and the water kept rising, rising, rising... they were under water, and the water kept pouring, until t reached the ceiling and then it overflowed into the street....

so i drew that vision at 6:22... and amazingly enough, God overflowed our service. :) 50 random people from a random little church in NC came by, and God moved in powerful ways (not just through them, but also in 6:22's people).... wait i shouldn't have said random, i don't believe in coincidence--- everything happens for a reason! :)
so praise God... He's overflowing, and it's time for our armors to be impecable before God...

beautiful day!

haha i was gonna post something... but instead i'll post something else.

ok... as most of you know... one of my favorite bands is U2... and i especially like some songs by them--- beautiful day, all that you can't leave behind, and grace would be the most notable ones... so i've been listening to beautiful day A LOT lately... and i love some lines--- especially..

...See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day ....

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day


ok... so this is the good week. after rough times come good times. and i was reminded, it's supposed to be a beautiful day everyday. where's my hope? in God. where am I going? to Heaven (my last destination).... so i shouldn't worry or get upset about the menial little nit-picky things i do. i'm wasting wonderful time. AND if i am indeed feeling down, i can look for the everday beauty or beauty in my memories or imagination
(...See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light )
and i can hope and wait for the colors that come out after the storm...

oh how i love the calm and fresh feeling after a storm, when the sun comes out and there's this gorgeous bright rainbow, magnificent and beautiful. and storms are never eternal. a storm has to cease at one point or another, ya know?... wait for the calm and peace after it!

ah how rich and how beautiful is this life! sure, we all have sucky seasons, but the good seasons are always worth the sucky ones... :-P and all you need to be happy today, is what you have in your hand. stop chasing after what you don't have, be content with what you do have! :)

carpe diem in Deus

psalm 18

Psalm 18


darkness covers this life
in fear
i tremble
cold and naked

blinfolded
many voices scream
tears soak my innocent face

cold darkness
that pierces through naked skin...
shame

the voices,
louder,
bark of profanity
jealous
angry
they increase

inside the chaos
weary
tense
lost and confused
i faint
my heart panics
my mind runs
my spirit,
painful,
turns to Heaven
i cry out...

if such pain exists...
if there is a hell...
there must be a Heaven
i look up
seeing a warm light

the voices
angry
stir
mocking
cold
they caress my skin
the piercing touch of death

broken,
i see their faces
depression
fear
anger
pride

their faces vomit on me
angry,
they poke me
cold,
they touch me

my tears drown my eyes
but at last...

flashes of lightning
the warm light
angry, envelops me
i hold it close
i cling and cry
thunderous
the tempest
tears all the voices
the roots
of despair
thrown into a fire
so heavy it warms my very soul
my nakedness
is covered by the light
that saves my soul...

Jesus

amen

you look blurry...
excuse the moisture in my eyes
forget the redness...
(look me deep within,
forget the veil of sadness)

how did you forget?

those words that spring forth
are not yours
they are not who you are
they are a simple lie...
child of truth
come back
child of purity
where have you gone?

oh i miss you so!
maybe you just never knew
and the blame is mine
maybe i put thoughts in your mind
that grew like the tree of old
with twisted roots and broken arms

maybe this ephemeral stage
left a scar in my heart
but i understand...

you are

lost

in the darkness

you scream

and i want to lift your head
see the light?
feel it's warmth?
how could you forget?

your twisted roots will be cut out
your broken arms are tired
in this cold winter
die with winter
or renew with spring

the mouth speaks of what the heart is full of
your heart has been filled with empty lies
banging like the loud cymbal
clanging
unending
let the silence come...

let peace rain down
pouring...
let the rain fall down...
lightly,
heavily,
let storms break out...

let your roots stretch
relaxed
let your broken arms fall down
fatigued
and leaves of green life
burst forth in the golden spring sun
of compassion

let your heart be full of truth again
let your lips speak of goodness forgotten
be covered
in rain and sunlight

paradox

yay i cried at Church yesterday. i haven't cried in church in a long time! God's making me softer. :) a little old priest is going to be conducting a spiritual mission at St. Peter's, and he said very simple words that made me cry---

"God gives and gives and gives. Then, He forgives, and forgives, and forgives."






i think there are moments when the soul awakes, and you understand the depth of something seemingly simple, but actually complex beyond words. it's the hugest paradox--- God's love.
simply complex, and complicatedly simple.

am I who God wants me to be?

yesterday we had a pretty cool 6:22, it was a "soak" service (resting in the presence of God)... i must admit my mind wandered all aorund the place, but it was good to lie down and rest. i would ball up and just let God cuddle with me. sometimes all you need is an embrace, and He can't embrace you if you push away by distracting yourself from Him. in a sense, it's like when Stephen says "look at me..." when he's gonna say a sentence that is very important and meaningful. God says "look at me..." and He just wants to love me, and words come extra, His presence and my presence is enough. we don't need words... He knows me deeper than anyone else, flaws, mistakes, pet peeves, food pickiness--- He knows all. He sees my heart, He sees my selfish pride, my broken heart, my frustrations, anxiety, plans, dreams, thoughts, emotions. He penetrates me entirely, and I surrender because there is no one else i rather be with. it doesn't make me better, in fact, i realize my humanness when i'm with God. and you know what? I embrace my humanness--- I'm not God, and I was never meant to be God. I pursue doing God's will, but I fail bc i'm human. and God knows my heart and my intentions and why i fail when i do. i don't need to prove myself to anyone because my identity is found in God (refer to "Les Miserables") and not what the world says.

in communication we found that "i am who i think you think i am." but i say, "i am who i think You think i am" .... God not only sees everything external, but also everything internal. He sees our intentions and everything everyone else doesn't see. so yeah, i'm not perfect, but God knows I'm trying to be the person He wants me to be.

Lullaby

she grew up with
the children of the stars
in the hollywood hills and the boulevard
her parents threw big parties
everyone was there
they hung out with folks like
dennis hopper, bob seeger, sonny and cher

now, she feels safe
in this bar on fairfax
and from the stage I can tell that
she can't let go and she can't relax
and just before
she hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
rockabye

she still lives with her mom
outside the city
down that street about a half a mile
and all her friends tell her
she's so pretty
but she'd be a whole lot prettier
if she smiled once in a while
`cause even her smile
looks like a frown
she's seen her share of devils
in this angel town

But, everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
rockabye

I told her I ain't so sure
about this place
it's hard to play a gig in this town
and keep a straight face
seems like everyone here's got a plan
it's kind of like nashville with a tan, but,

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye

everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything's gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye,rockabye, bye, bye
bye, bye

--- Shawn Mullins, "Lullaby"

April Barnett

i would go into detail, but i refuse to. so instead, i'll quote my communication teacher:

"we are so used to everything going right that when something does go wrong we focus on that and we have a lousy day."

so instead, i'm gonna talk about April. April is the greatest friend i could ask for. sweet, gentle, kind. good listener, takes me into consideration. sensitive. if i need someone, she's there for me. she knows me better than anyone else (because we have quite some history together) and I'd like to think i know her quite some too.

where is love?
love is in the everyday small things. she left a note for me in my car's windshield saying "i love you" in bright pink highlighter ... and you know, that's all i needed. sometimes, it's in the small things that God reveals Himself. God never forsakes or abandon us. April is a constant good friend... April is my best earthly friend. OH! and i have a Bible quote that reminded me of her---
2 Cor. 9:10-15
The one who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed and increase the harvest of your righteousness.⁵ You are being enriched in every way for all generosity, which through us produces thanksgiving to God, for the administration of this public service is not only supplying the needs of the holy ones but is also overflowing in many acts of thanksgiving to God. Through the evidence of this service, you are glorifying God for your obedient confession of the gospel of Christ and the generosity of your contribution to them and to all others, while in prayer on your behalf they long for you, because of the surpassing grace of God upon you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

Turn, turn, turn!

so i have been analyzing this life... and i realize sometimes there are victims, and sometimes victimizers. sometimes we're subjects of our circumstance, and the victimizers are not what they seem. sometimes you're victim of time, if you will... you're blinded by the right now and what you can see, and forget what's there that you DON'T see.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

there's a season to everything, and we sometimes fail to realize that the season might be crappy but it passes...

peace be with you. i never wished any harm on anyone (God knows it, i hope you'll understand this too... all of you... i never wished harm on anyone...)

peace prayer

Prayers for Peace

 
Pope John Paul II
O God, Creator of the universe, who extends your paternal concern over every creature and guides the events of history to goals of salvations, we acknowledge your Fatherly love when you break the resistance of mankind and, in a world torn by strife and discord, you make us ready for reconciliation. Renew for us the wonders of your MERCY; send forth your Spirit that He may work in the intimacy of hearts, that enemies may begin to dialogue, that adversaries may shake hands and peoples may encounter one another in harmony. May all commit themselves to the sincere search for true peace which will extinguish all arguments, for charity which overcomes hatred, for pardon which disarms revenge.


Peace be with you. Happy Valentine's

February 18th, 2005

Yes! it's taht time of the year AGAIN! my one and only birthday is coming up. so i have one single birthday wish..... (depending on whether you're far or near)

if you're far away:
write me an e-mail. let me know you remembered. :) there's no better birthday gift than knowing people care. i mean it!

if you're near:
please come to 6:22 on friday! we're having "rest in God" service, bring your pillow and blankets. you can come in early to socialize a bit (and maybe even helping me set up ;) or come in as late as you want. 9 PM, 10 PM, it doesn't matter! there's absolutely no better way to spend my birthday than resting in God along with all my beloved friends. there is no other birthday wish that would make me happier. to feel loved is the way to happiness! and although i feel loved, please come and show it. ;)


oh and if you're wondering about material things, the only thing i can think that i want is a student Catholic Bible in english. but no worries, if i don't get it, i'll try to get it with birthday money... or what not. :)


thank you!

softer and kinder

yep!

to think there's so much beauty in this world blows my mind away. to think all patience brings such a wonderful priceless gift in its hands. to think i see a glimpse of eternity when i look into those deep blues....

so now what?

faith. struggles and strains await. but my hope rests in a higher Power to do His will. i pray for protection and freedom. ha it sounds contradictory, but it really isn't.

you know how funny and ironic life is?
ok. this is how funny and ironic life is--- that the guy who declared himself mad at God has pointed me back to God and His will, that He would ask me to seek His wise counsel, that he is a loudspeaker for God in my life. sometimes in the little things (such as encouraging words) sometimes in just being there and reassuring me. i'm a needy girl.... i'm hard work... i wish i wasn't. but somehow he sees what God wants him to see and loves me for that. he sees me through God's eyes. (*astonished*)

wait wait... i'll repeat...

he sees me through God's eyes. (*astonished AND speechless*)

and you know, this blog isn't to bring you down (if you haven't found a significant other YET) it's a word of encouragement. i've been there. i beared the "pain" of being single differently at different times, and quite honestly-- it was until i gave up looking that i found who i was looking for. it was until i was content with being single, content with just being with God that i began to see things deeper. it is all true. there is someone out there, and God will guide you to him/her and God will protect that relationship.

i'm not 100% sure that Stephen is it, but there's a lot of good coming out of our relationship. tests of faith and motivation for spiritual growth. love makes you a little kinder and a little softer too. anyhow. love to you my friends, patience, courage, faith, and i'll repeat it---- patience. Patience seems never-ending and pointless, but it's ohhhhhh so very worth every single second of it.

Morning news

hello people (beautiful children of God)
hello humanity (broken and torn)
how are you, world? (suffering in pain? covered in shame?)
tell me, how was your day? (did you smile today?)
i'm small and vulnerable (my hands are small...)
i'm wide eyed and stunned (you're losing your warmth)
i wanted to tell you (world so cruel)
my hope is not you (your loneliness and lies)
i wanted to tell you (there is hope for you too)
your darkness will leave too (truth will free you)
i wanted to tell you (oh how i love you)
there is unconditional love (fills me, warm, gentle)
hello world (there is hope for you)
hello people (faith will lead you)
hello humanity (cleansed shame, smell of rain)
soft hearts, i prayed for you (God has been faithful)
cleansed hands, i prayed for you (God hears all prayers)
sweetness renewed (your innocence restored)
true freedom redeemed you (peace pours your soul)

good morning people, i love you.
good morning people, there is hope.
good morning people, my heart prays for you.

the morning sun announces good news.

they'll know we are Christians by our love

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love,
by our love
We will work with each other,
we will work side by side
And we'll guard each one's dignity and save each one's pride
And they'll know we are Christians by our love,
by our love
We will walk with each other,
we will walk hand in hand
And together we'll spread the news that God is in our land
They will know we are Christians by our love
Love is patient, love is kind
Never boasts, not full of pride
Always hopes, always trusts
The evidence of Christ in us

This is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full

-- They'll know we are Christians by our love, hymn.


all you need is love. :) praise God for His capacity to unconditionally love us and through us...
praise God for this life, full of pain and joy. praise God for His unfailing plan. praise God for His nearness. praise God for HIs gentle touch. praise God for His Holy victory. praise God He makes all things new. praise God for His complete mercy. praise God for His omnipotent, omniscient Being.

positive thinking

not much to say...
MOnday presentation went well. God was (as always) faithful, and my professor said I had "gone a long way". she def. pointed out parts i can improve, but it's all right. effort and God shows! :-D yayyay! LOL :-P

hm... as for deep thoughts...
in communications class we're learning about "sel-fulfilled prophecy" and i thought it was quite interesting. it pretty much says whether you think you can or not, you're right. he gave an example of "let's say you're dating this person. and you just like them so much and you're like, i'm gonna screw it up, i'm gonna screw it up! so you try not to screw it up, you write to them, you call them 5 times a day. the other person says 'you freak! you're staking me.' you screwed it up. why? because you thought you would."
how true is that?! he said it's the same with testing and stuff... so always think-- i'm gonna make it. you're pre-disposing yourself for success. sounds like a self-help program? maybe so, but i believe in being positive. (don't mix the positive, with the negative end! ;cause after all of these years you'll be left alone in the dark... {relient k}) and then the whole faith thing comes in. pre-dispose yourself for good things and good things will come. can good things come when you're being negative? sure they can. but you might not enjoy them as much, bc you're waiting for something to screw up. just enjoy life! think positive, people, positive i say!
positive statements to think in times of distress:

-- you do look nice today.
-- the sun is nice and bright.
-- at least i didn't get a pimple in the tip of my nose
-- but hey! at least she's not boring.
-- i will learn a great lesson out of this situation
-- so it sucks... but look at my wonderful shoes!
-- yes. but i'm breathing and my nose isn't even stuffed up!
-- yes. but look at me, i'm cute! (and when you say this-- do believe it! you are! ;)
-- hey my favorite song is playing!
-- i'll laugh about this tomorrow
-- but He loves me anyway
-- in the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal
-- yeah. but my friends rock and yours suck! (lol)
-- this will be a great story to tell my children
-- bahumbug. whatever. it happens to the best.
-- whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger
-- (count your blessings, if you can't think of any-- go to the basics-- housing, family, food, transportation, friends, something beautiful you saw earlier... anything. a grateful heart is a positive heart)
-- but i can quack like a duck!
-- i can always quit and run away to Rome and sell art in the streets...
-- *sing it out*

yep. there's a number of other things you can do to let frustrations out in a positive way. i'm the queen of that ;) heehehe