confessions of a sinner mind

so i'm not perfect. in fact, i'm far away from it..... you ready to hear the truth?
i'm a sinner *trembles in shame, lip quivers for dramatic effect*

teee heee. comforting thing is so are you, and the person next to you, and all of us. the not so comforting thing is knowing that everyday, all of us hurt the heart of God. on a personal level, i don't want to hurt the heart of God, I don't want to turn my back. but i do :(

so i ask for mercy, for forgiveness. and i feel so ashamed, so very ashamed. i bow down and i realize how pathetic and worthless, how could i turn my back on true everlasting love? how could i hurt the heart of One who only loves me more than anyone could ever love me?...

so i ask for forgiveness. and i ask for forgiveness again. and again. and again. and again. i can't let go of the fact i sinned against God, that i gave in and fell away, that i rejected love for my own purpose when God is only seeking what's best for me too. it's like when you're a child, and your mom tells you "don't touch the oven" you think I'm gonna do what pleases me and then you get burnt. that's sin. then you not only realize ouch, i'm hurt, but also, i disobeyed my mom. she did know best after all...

and when you do that, what's best to do? cry on your own, or admit your fault and let you mom see the burn and make sure you're ok? i mean, you disobeyed once, might as well tell the truth now.

so i tell God, but since He doesn't have a clear audible voice, most of the time i have a hard time hearing Him say "it's ok, i kissed the booboo and i know you love me. *hug*" so i go to confession. i let the sin out, i kill my pride, i allow the world to know--- i've sinned. yes i am a sinner too. not only am i killing my pride, but the priest opens himself as God's loudspeaker if you wish and he let's me know that hey, it's ok. i love you anyhow, i see your heart. now a priest has never actually hugged me, but i know i've felt spiritually hugged after confession. i know my sin is cleansed and cast away into things forgotten. God cleansed me because i allowed Him to (again as a metaphor, a child playing with dirt who instead of hiding his hands from his mom or dad he shows them and cries. the mom or dad thoght a little disappointed for the disobedience is more happy about the child admitting the fault, so the mom or dad washes the child's hands completely clean. past is past, dirt down the drain).


and so that's my personal experience with confession. i went to confession on Saturday and i feel so much cleaner now. i confess to God first, but i think allowing myself to speak it out takes killing of pride, and hearing someone say you are forgiven, go in peace really does wonders for the soul. :)